Snow day! Let’s stay inside all day and hope the lousy weather doesn’t knock out the satelite dish.

7:30 a.m. Take the dog for a walk. The snow comes in sideways and hits your face like a thousand needles. Neither of us enjoys this.

8 a.m. Drink coffee and catch up on reaction to Bob Kraft’s brief Monday night press conference. You thought Kraft, the owner of the New England Patriots, was so angry he’d turn into the Hulk.

9 a.m. Consider watching the Boston Red Sox 2013 season DVD. Decide not to, knowing that will do nothing to quiet the howling snow storm outside.

10 a.m. Remember the half hour recaps of the three Patriots Super Bowl wins are on the DVR. Watch them in succession, and long for a day when the Super Bowl was about playing football, not a he said, she said about deflating footballs.

Noon: Settle in to watch the Super Bowl Media Day dog and pony show. Tickets to watch media day cost $28.50. That’s $28.50 to watch people talk to people. That’s $28.50 bucks to eavesdrop, basically. You can find better ways to spend $28.50.

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12:30 p.m. The Patriots session begins. Pick Boy? What’s a Pick Boy?

Oh, Nick Boy. Of course, that makes much more sense. Whatever he is, Nick Boy looks like Burt Ward, who played Robin on the ’60s TV show “Batman,” if Ward really let himself go and asked Tom Brady dumb questions.

1 p.m. Somebody tries to get Rob Gronkowski to sing Katy Perry songs. It makes me want to skip the Super Bowl halftime show more than ever.

1:15 p.m. The good folks on the NFL Network are enthralled with the fact that Bill Belichick wore flip flops to media day. As a guy sitting here in sweat pants and slippers, I found Belichick a tad overdressed.

2 p.m. Marshall Faulk is talking about something on NFL Network. Every time he opens his mouth, I’m reminded Faulk thinks his St. Louis Rams were cheated out of the win in Super Bowl 36. Thirteen years after the fact, Faulk is still playing a game he’ll never win.

2:30-2:35 p.m. Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch gives the most honestly spiteful interview in the history of interviews. Lynch hates talking to the press the way Lex Luthor hates Superman. But the NFL mandates players be available on Super Bowl media day for at least four and a half minutes.

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“I’m just here so I won’t get fined,” Lynch said, over and over and over and over. He did everything but sing his standard response.

3:30 p.m. Ask the dog if he thinks if every school in the state cancelled classes today, and if so, how often has that happened? Dog cares not for the debate and walks into the kitchen.

4 p.m. Look out the window, realize the blowing snow camouflaged your neighbor’s house from view. Solemnly swear to yourself to avoid looking out the window until Memorial Day.

4:30 p.m. Channel surf. Change the station every time it looks like somebody is going to talk about PSI: New England.

5 p.m. Hope the weather is better tomorrow, because you’re looking forward to covering the Hampden vs. Messalonskee boys basketball game.

5:30 p.m. Realize there’s a lot of good college basketball to watch tonight. Break your solemn vow and glance out the window, and hope the power doesn’t go out.

Travis Lazarczyk — 861-9242

tlazarczyk@centralmaine.com

Twitter: @TLazarczykMTM


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