From the bully's perspective

BY ALAN CROWELL, Staff Writer
Copyright © 2000 Blethen Maine Newspapers Inc.

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LOOKING FOR ANSWERS

There is a wealth of information on bullying and antibullying resources available in print and on the Internet. To research the issue, the following books might prove helpful: "Bullying at School: What we Know and What we Can Do," by Dan Olweus, of Norway, who pioneered a system that has helped reduce bullying. "Why is Everybody Always Picking on me?: A Kid's Guide to Handling Bullies," by Dr. Terrence Webster-Doyle. To research bullying online, consult the following Web sites: The Maine Project Against Bullying: www.lincoln.midcoast.com/~wps/against/bullying.html Also from Maine: www.cary-memorial.lib.me.us/bullyweb/index.html www.peaceactionme.org/sepschool.html Stop Bullying: www.nobully.org.nz (from New Zealand; offers practical advice for kids and adults) From Great Britain: www.bbc.co.uk/education/bully/

ANSON — Michael A. Procino says he knows what it is to be a bully and what it is to be the bullied.

 Growing up in a military family, he moved more than a dozen times, which brough him to Virginia, California, North Carolina, New York and Maine, among other places.

 "One place I was popular and another place I was not," says the 27-year-old Athens resident.

 Picking on another student was a way of diverting attention from his own differences — "So I wouldn't be the center of the bullying," he says.

 "In front of your peers, you feel like you are going to get attention and you feel better about yourself," he said.

 The victims of bullying were chosen almost at random, according to experts. The style of their shoes, their personal hygiene, an accent, their clothes, anything that makes them different.

 Like most bullies, Procino picked on people he percievd to be lower on the social totem pole. People who were emotionally vulnerable were more than likely to be his targets.

 "It is easier to pick on somebody who is going to cry about it than somebody who is going to turn around and say something back," he says.

 Years later, Procino says, he learned to regret bullying other people and has even befriended one of his former victims.

 "I know how he felt," Procino says of his victim, whom he harrassed and even pushed into a locker in high school.

 Back then, Procino says, the other boy's feelings did not matter.

 Richard Hazler, a professor of counselor education at Ohio University in Athens, Ohio, said bullying behavior starts early.

 As early as age 3, children can begin to show bullying behaviors, taking a toy away from another child in order to dominate the other child.

 And at all age groups, bullying is about social status and domination.

 "(Bullies) are not looking for fair fights," Hazler said. "They are looking for someone to dominate."

 Often, they do not have well-developed social skills and use bullying to fit themselves into the social hierarchy, he said.

 Stan Davis, an elementray school counselor at James H. Bean School in Sidney and a recognized expert in bullying, said the perceptions of bullies as people driven by anxiety and insecurity oftentimes are incorrect.

 "Bullies have unusually little anxiety and insecurity," he said.

 Oftentime, kids who bully come from families where there is little emotional warmth and inconsistent consequences, according to Davis.

 "These are young people and adults who want dominance or power over others," he said. "All that is real to that person is what that person wants or needs."

 
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