Bullies learn from what they see

By BETTY JESPERSEN, Staff Writer
Copyright © 2000 Blethen Maine Newspapers Inc.

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TIPS FOR PARENTS

Adult intervention is considered key to helping a child who is being victimized. Some tips for parents of children who might be battling bullies: Listen to your children. Encourage them to talk about events at school, the walk or ride to the school, and how they get along with other students. Take your child's complaints about bullying seriously. It's an issue kids are often embarrassed or afraid to talk about. Be on the lookout for signs that your child is being bullied: falling grades, torn clothes, requests for more money or supplies. Tell the school or organization if you think your child is being bullied. Work with other adults in the neighborhood to ensure that kids are closely supervised on the way to and from school and at the bus stop. Praise your children when they are kind to others. Teach compassion and tolerance. Monitor what your child watches on TV, and the content of their video games. Talk about the fact that TV differs from reality. Source: Maine Project Against Bullying

Abusive language and sexual put-downs heard in school hallways, lunchrooms and playgrounds is learned behavior, according to experts.

 Children are picking it up from prime-time situation comedies, R-and X-rated movies, soap operas, adult videos and from epithet-filled talk on certain talk shows.

 The behavior can also mimic what a child hears and sees at home.

 "These things encourage children to do in real life what they see on the screen, where it's one put-down after another accompanied by a laugh track," said guidance counselor Stan Davis, an elementary school guidance counselor at James H. Bean School in Sidney, who trains teachers and students to combat bullying and teasing.

 Children and teen-agers will watch afternoon talk shows, such as "The Jerry Springer Show," unsupervised. The put-downs also infiltrate the language of evening comedies and cartoons that are on when adults are in the house.

 The dialogue on these shows can be filled with insults as well as double meanings and sexual references.

 "It's pretty hard to sit and watch a TV program where the actors call each other slanderous names and make fun of each other, and everyone is sitting around laughing," said Principal Nora Thombs, of the Cape Cod Hill School in New Sharon.

 Bullying complaints with girls often revolve around underhanded and malicious gossip and sexual language, sources said. The violence and destruction in adult video games and movies seems to impress boys, according to teachers.

 Girls can be hard to deal with because they operate in groups.

 "They pick on other girls and see how much bad they can say about that person, verbally or in written notes. And they have group support in doing it," Thombs said.

 "One week, one girl may be a victim, and then a week or so later, that person may be part of the group and someone else may be the victim.

 "It shocks me some days to know the extent of the sexual knowledge these children have and how they use it against each other. And the sexual overtones in the language they use in the notes they write about other girls I'm sure would shock you."

 Added Thombs: "We're setting a double standard. We're trying hard in school to have kids not use that language. Yet at the same time, the culture is promoting it on television. Children think that's humor."

 
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