Dear Harlan,

I have had a long-distance girlfriend for the past year. We are about to spend the summer apart. I think we’d like to spend the summer seeing other people, but I am worried that if we do, we may not come back with the same feelings. What should I do?


Dear Distant,

Do you always let the fear of the future control following your gut in the present? I used to do that. I still do it at times. Sometimes my mind wanders and I’ll focus on all the things I fear happening in the future. I worry about getting hurt, not being able to work and not taking care of my family. I worry about my parents dying and the pain of missing them. I worry about my kids not being happy, fulfilled and protected. And when I catch myself worrying, I stop. I take a step back. I look at the moment. I ask myself three questions. Am I doing my best? YES. Will fear change the future? NO. What can I do to live in the present? Once I go through this drill, I relax and return to the moment. We can’t control the future, so why try? All we have is the moment. And that’s my advice. Live in this moment. Follow your instincts. Trust that it will be OK no matter what. If seeing other people is what you need to do to be a loving and devoted partner in the future, do it. If she’s not available in the future, then you’ll find someone else. If this is what happens, clearly, the relationship wasn’t built to last. To let fear of the future control your life is to miss out on the moment. Follow your gut, and you will always be right.

Dear Harlan,

There are two girls I’m interested in dating. The problem is that they’re twins. I’m not really sure how to handle the situation, since I am somewhat interested in both of them — but it feels really weird to try to go after both at the same time! I tried setting up a group activity, but it fell through because we don’t really have any mutual friends. They did both seem interested in doing something. Any suggestions?

Double Trouble

Dear Double Trouble,

What if they both want you? Now, that’s an even bigger problem. Here’s the approach — it’s like dating two women who happen to be best friends, only these women have the same DNA. As a rule, you always start with the one who has the better personality. When you ask them out don’t tell them this. Don’t make it about looks (especially with twins). Hot women with dud personalities get ugly fast. Go slow. The problem is that if you get physical with one of them, and realize its not working, you become the enemy. It’s hard for the other friend or twin to date you if you’ve gotten naked with her friend or sibling. Be a good guy. If you want to get physical make sure you want to have a relationship. As for the approach, be a gentleman.

Go slow. See if she’s as interesting as she is attractive. If it goes well, great. If it doesn’t go well, that’s cool too. You can always give it time and go after the sister — hopefully she’ll have a better personality.

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