Dear Harlan,

I’m confused. I don’t know what I should do. I met this girl at my friend’s wedding, and we had conversation and exchanged numbers and began hanging out. I really like this girl, but the problem is that she has a boyfriend and a child. But yet she texts me and keeps wanting to see me. She said she can’t stand him anymore and is in a bad situation. She said she can’t leave because she has nowhere to go — her closest relative lives far away from her, and she’s enrolled in college and has a job but no car, so she’s pretty much dependent on this guy. I told her that I don’t want to come between them because she has a family, but she says he’s cruel and heartless. But I’ve told her it’s too painful for me to just be friends. What should I do?

Wedding Lust

Dear Wedding Lust,

You know what to do — RUN. My dad has an expression he’d use when I was about to make a stupid, self-destructive, bad decision. He’d tell me, “Always run away from a burning building that’s about to fall.” In other words, this woman is falling apart. She’s looking for someone to save her from this terrible, awful, no-good relationship. It’s not your job to rescue her. I don’t care how hot she is, how deep of a connection you have or how long it’s been since you’ve been with a woman — she’s a big, hot, dangerous mess. Right now she’s falling to pieces and needs to get it together. You’re not her glue. Tell her the timing isn’t right and wish her the best. Good news: There will be more weddings and more women — single women — to meet in the future.

Dear Harlan,

I’m 19 and work at a restaurant as a server. I’m not sure if this guy is creepy or a good guy. What happened is that a guy talked to my friend (another server) and asked about me. She has known him for a while and said he’s a good guy. Once he found out my name, he found me on Facebook and sent me a friend request. I asked him who he was, and he explained what happened. A week later, he asked me to lunch. My plans changed so I wasn’t able to do lunch, but I’m not sure what to think about him. The whole finding me and tracking me down thing feels a little creepy. What do you think?

Possibly Creeped

Dear Possibly Creeped,

It’s called courting a woman. He saw you, asked about you, reached out to you and asked you on a date. I know — it’s weird when a guy doesn’t drunk-text, hit on you and try to sleep with you. It’s confusing to have someone be respectful. There is absolutely nothing creepy about his approach. It might feel weird because it’s not the norm, but it’s perfectly polite. Creepy would be finding you on Facebook, quietly reading your status updates, browsing your pictures without telling you and quietly fantasizing about you without you ever knowing. All he did was find you and ask you on a date. If he’s a good guy, give him a chance. As long as you go slowly, date in public and get to know his family, friends and past, there isn’t anything else to fear other than falling for someone.

Write Harlan at [email protected] or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com.

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