There are way too many “rewards” cards. The other day, I noticed I was listing to the left while driving. When I got home, I dumped out my wallet. It was obese with plastic cards. There was a time when my wallet was fat with cash. It was called the ’80s.

I have a driver’s license, debit card and a credit card that reads “For Emergency Use Only” (in my wife’s handwriting). It’s certainly not that credit card that asks “What’s in your wallet?” — so they can pursue whatever’s left in it. If Gov. Paul LePage could assure me he’d outlaw “What’s in your wallet?” commercials in Maine — I’d consider voting for him … (nah — just kidding!)

I have rewards cards for office supplies, pet needs and home improvement materials. There’s my MPBN Evergreen card, and a Clynk card for recycling bottles — I love clynk-ing. Sam’s Club — gotta have that, huh? The bagel shop and Railroad Square Cinema are nice, thin paper cards. They’ll stay in.

Thank God, I don’t fly much anymore. I had a few “airline mileage cards” back in the day. Talk about rewards! Nothing like getting bumped up to first class on long flights — no problem reclining your seat up there! They’d fluff your pillow upon request or invite you up to the flight deck (“sure! — bring your drink!”) to meet the pilots. They’d practically let you “take the stick” if you asked nicely. The friendly skies were actually friendly. You could take a friend to the lavatory with you!

Back to rewards cards. I found that if you just give the retailer your phone number — they’re happy. No need to carry the card or even “friend” them.

Andy Rooney used to discuss this stuff. I miss Andy.

Buddy Doyle


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