Bud King maintains the secret to a long, loving marriage is to be kind to one another and never criticize.

And he should know.

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King, 91, has been married to his sweetheart, Josephine, for 71 years.

She is 93 now, and they sit in the Oakland home they built with their own hands more than 60 years ago, happy and content, though both have health issues and life is not as easy as it used to be.

Josephine’s advice for a happy marriage is to compromise.

“Leave the fights out,” she says. “Today is another day.”

And, importantly, according to Bud, never say anything you might regret later.

“Don’t criticize anybody — because it might come right back around and kick you in you-know-where,” he said “I will say marriage is a give and take proposition. You give a little, you take a little and we’ve never really had anything where we would even think of divorce. I mean, never.”

Bud King is direct. He is articulate and has an extraordinary memory.

Oakland residents know him as the man who managed and then owned Buddie’s groceries on Main Street for many years. He and his wife also have long hosted the annual community Thanksgiving dinner at Messalonskee High School.

You might say generosity is the couple’s hallmark — their ability to create a loving family atmosphere in both their private and public lives is their legacy.

Family has always been priority. During their long marriage, they hosted large family gatherings in their home where brothers, sisters, grandparents, cousins and children would share a meal. Sometimes they would alternate homes. Bud King believes that that family-oriented focus helped to maintain his own happy marriage.

“I think that has been a significant part of it. You can have friends and we had friends, but to me, the families are first.”

Josephine was born in Cherryfield and Bud in Rome. They met on a blind date in 1940 in Oakland after she moved there to work at Diamond Match Co.

Later, he entered the Army Air Corps, became a staff sergeant and was stationed overseas, in Saipan.

They married in Florida in 1943 and lived there, as well as in Georgia and Oklahoma, and eventually settled in Oakland. They spent lots of time with their extended families.

“I went right into her family just as if I belonged, and she did in mine,” he said. “We were really family-oriented and our cellar is fixed up so we can seat 18 or 20 down there very comfortably.”

They had a wonderful time all those years at family gatherings, but over time the Kings and their daughter, Dru Aslam and her husband, Sunny, found their family much smaller.

“Everybody’s gone — aunts, uncles,” Bud said. “From 1960 to 1970, 22 people died in my family and Jo’s. We’ve outlived everybody. We are in the situation here where my health’s going and my wife’s is gone, pretty much, and right now, we’re facing some difficulties and Dru steps right in — again, family — and she’s staying nights with us.”

Despite the fact that their family is much diminished now, the Kings are optimistic — and realistic.

“You take it in stride and you love them while they’re here,” Bud says. “Take every day. I think both of us do. We are very fortunate to have Dru and we are very lucky to have her husband. He is just as dedicated to us.”

Dru says her parents were married 13 years before she was born so she didn’t know them until they were “an old married couple.”

“I think what might be most striking to me is their ability to forgive, forget and most importantly, move forward,” she said. “As for their parenting, I’ve been so very fortunate to be their kid. Their role-modeling in the way of community-spiritedness and generosity has been outstanding. I’ve seen many random acts of kindness put into action.”

As Valentine’s Day approaches, the Kings are thankful for their longevity, their marriage and for family.

And love, of course. Lots of it.

Amy Calder has been a Morning Sentinel reporter 27 years. Her column appears here Mondays. She may be reached at acalder@centralmaine.com

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