For a while, I’ve tried to write a column of haiku each spring. For me, they’ve become a fun way to hit on a lot of the day’s sports topics, and they’re a reminder that real, honest poetry is hard.

This year, one story is needlessly huge, but I felt I had to add my two cents to the messy pile. The Tom Brady football deflation story has normally level-headed people shouting for capital punishment for a misdemeanor crime. It has many New England Patriots fans standing fists raised, ready to take on all challenges to things like “legacy” and “integrity.”

It’s a mess the NFL let get out of control through its own inability to plug leaks and misinformation, and it’s created a scandal out of thin air.

I believe the Patriots played with balls that were slightly under the NFL’s inflation requirements. I believe this happened because the guys in charge of prepping balls became sick of Tom Brady’s constant nitpicking over those balls. I believe one day, Jim McNally took a little extra air out, and after the game, Brady said something to the effect of, those were perfect, whatever you did, keep doing it.

I believe there’s a segment of the football-watching population that enjoys watching winners squirm in trouble and will accept anything as fact, as long as it gets Brady and the Patriots.

I believe this whole brouhaha will end up in court before the end of summer.

I believe I will never be a competent poet.

Tom Brady, Part I

Did you do it, Tom?

More Bond villain than QB?

Four rings, at what cost?

Roger Goodell

Worst commish ever

Vox Populi, weak leader

“Like me,” he pleads. No.

The Deflator

There are worse nicknames

But that story sounds far-fetched

Infamous now, Jim

Ted Wells

Independent? Ha!

Less relevant than disco

No doubt a bully

Patriots fans


Ignore the hate, laugh it off

Greatness always mocked

National reaction

Overreact? Sure!

Real, tough issues are ignored

Cheating cheater cheat!


Bunk story started

This whole mess, check your sources

Rarely ever right

No Brady, No banner?

Hoist the Lombardi

In your memory, do you

Need a banner? Nah.

Bob Kraft

Do not suffer fools

Defend your team, unleash hell

Gillette on alert

Walt Anderson

Take notes, Walt, take notes

Use one gauge on all the balls

Inept, and a joke

Bill Belichick

Silent this week, why?

Moved on, focused on football

No time for this junk

The Colts

It wasn’t the balls

It was your lack of talent

Whine while the ax grinds

The Punishment

So over the top

Makeup for past league mistakes

A nuke to a fly


What a dumb, dumb name

Contrived scandal passed as news

Lazy weak babble

Tom Brady, Part II

Legacy, rings won

Should sing louder than blowhards

The shoulder chip grows

Travis Lazarczyk — 861-9242

[email protected]

Twitter: @TLazarczykMTM

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