My mother is a staunch fan of the Boston Red Sox. She likes other sports and she’ll tolerate the rest of us yelling like hyenas at the television when we watch the New England Patriots. Baseball is her favorite game, and the Boston Red Sox are her favorite team.

Her car is equipped with satellite radio, ensuring she can listen to the Red Sox no matter where she is. When I was a kid and NESN became available in our area, she quickly learned what button to push on the old-fashioned cable box that sat on our television. In April, many nights she sat in her condo in Myrtle Beach, following the Red Sox game on her laptop. If she couldn’t do that, she’d send me a short text message, “what’s the score?”

In honor of Mother’s Day, today I give full control of the Boston Red Sox to my mother, Diane Lazarczyk. I have that power.

She already has her eye on the prospects. Last week, she sent me text messages as she watched the Salem Red Sox, Boston’s Single A team in the Carolina League, take on the Myrtle Beach Pelicans. It was as if she was there to scout Boston’s Cuban uber-prospect, second baseman Yoan Moncada. “Moncada stole 3 (sic) bases so far,” one message read. Moncada looked good, she said, as did center fielder Andrew Benintendi and first baseman Nick Longhi. Salem won that game, 4-3, with Benintendi driving in all four runs.

“They were all pretty good. The first few times he was up, Moncada got hit by a pitch but he played OK. He stole some bases,” she said.

Like many Red Sox fans, she’s willing to give manager John Farrell one more chance after consecutive losing seasons, but not a big chance. The good start to the season is just that, a start. Mom has no patience for any Farrell missteps.


“I’d have John Farrell on a really short leash, in case everything goes south,” she said.

OK, you give Farrell the boot. Who are you bringing in to manage the team?

“I’d have an idea who to bring in, maybe the guy from last season, Lovullo (Red Sox bench coach Torey Lovullo, who managed the team last season while Farrell underwent cancer treatment) or ‘Tek (former Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek),” Mom said.

With Mom in charge, Clay Buchholz would be pitching this season for his next contract. That contract wouldn’t be coming from Boston. Right now, would she pick up his $13,500,000 option for 2017?

“No,” she said, as if I’d asked her if she’d volunteer to have her eyeballs removed and replaced with marbles adorned with the New York Yankees logo. “Unless he makes some kind of miraculous recovery. He pitched OK the other night. A few innings or whatever the other night does not a season make.”

Before she did anything, however, Mom would institute one important organization-wide policy to ensure a debacle like the Pablo Sandoval signing could never, ever, never happen again.


“I definitely would not offer a contract to anybody who is larger than a duck boat,” she said.

That’s sensible policy, Mom.

“I can’t get sued by Panda for that, can I?”

I don’t think so, Mom.

“Don’t make me look stupid.”

I never could. Happy Mother’s Day.

Travis Lazarczyk — 861-9242

<URL destination=””>[email protected]

</URL>Twitter: @TLazarczykMTM

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