Scarborough police resorted to poetry and humor to remind residents that keeping their doors locked around the holidays can go a long way toward spoiling a burglar’s Christmas.

The police department posted a Facebook jingle on Sunday titled “A Scarborough Burglar’s Christmas,” based on one of the oldest and most popular Christmas poems ever written – “The Night Before Christmas,” first published in the early 19th century.

The police department’s take on the classic starts off by saying, “Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town not a bad guy was stirring, except for one clown. The dispatchers were nestled, all snug in their chairs, not a thought of a criminal passed through their cares. The thief was good at finding the houses left unlocked, and he knew there would be presents he could easily hawk.”

The unnamed author goes on to describe how the thief preyed on unlocked houses, grabbing jewels, money, a laptop and vase that he stuffed in a pillowcase. He also stole collector coins and a woman’s silk blouse in his holiday crime spree. But the poem says Officer Donovan was on patrol in the neighborhood and spotted the burglar, who took off running.

“The thief kept on running, over fences, around bikes, but Officer Donovan had another plan, yelling into his mic. He called in the cavalry from all over the town. On the head of that thief, soon all hell would rain down. Come O’Malley, come Erickson, come South Portland and all, come Sgt. Chard with a K-9 and the detective on call.”

The poem ends with the police K-9 corralling the burglar in a yard.

“After getting a little bite on his leg from the pup, the thief threw up his hands and said, wait, I give up.”

“When Officer Donovan explained to the victims what went down, they applauded and whistled at the demise of the clown. And he heard them exclaim as he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas Scarborough Police. Thank you and Good Night!”


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