The first lady proudly displays her AARP card.

David Wildstein, whom Gov. Chris Christie appointed to a position in the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, has already supplied a legislative committee with the most damning documents in the case so far.

Just screams and “the occasional ghastly visage.”

The president, in a highly anticipated speech, also lays out new limits on agencies looking to access such records and tells them to stop spying on friendly international leaders.

‘The real emphasis needs to be put on the fact that we still have a major and tragic catastrophe going on,’ says acting Surgeon General Boris Lushniak.