Edict by the tsarina of Waterville: As someone who is very smart and went to the very best school, to protect Waterville jobs and expand economic development, I am closing the borders to Winslow, Fairfield and Oakland.

Furthermore, I will be implementing a 25% tariff on all their goods and services. Anyone who was not born in Waterville is not considered a Waterville resident, and the children of those persons not born in Waterville will also not be considered Waterville residents (unless that could be me or my family members). None of these non-residents can vote and any of these non-residents who has ever jaywalked, received a speeding ticket, committed a crime of any nature which includes having ever disagreed with me, will be deported to the city of their birth.

These edicts go into effect immediately unless I decide to change my mind. They will not apply to anyone who has contributed over $100,000 to my personal charities, is doing business with any of my family members or has praised me in the media.

In order to implement these edicts I will remove all previous city employees, and I promise you I will only hire the very best people who are completely loyal to me. This notice has been sent out by my very competent and loyal press secretary, who is very smart.

Diane Weinstein

Waterville