After 205 years, I’m breaking up with my boyfriend. I’m finally leaving that bully in D.C. I need shelter, kindness and an economy that works, one that loves DEI, women, Black and brown people, voting, national parks and fresh lobster. One that provides health care for everyone and actually vaccinates its citizens from deadly diseases.

I could go on and on but let’s cut to the chase: I’ve always been fond of Canada. Half of my people are related to Canadians. Some Mainers even speak French or the Algonquian languages! Geographically, we’re cut out of the same rocks. My dowry? Acadia National Park, a bunch of trees that haven’t burned (yet), first-rate colleges, universities, research institutes and all the little green crabs one can eat. How about the Gulf of Maine? Or, if preferred, the Gulf of Canada? Deal?

I’ll bring my friends. We can have an open marriage and really drive MAGA wild. We’ll bring the rest of the Boundary Waters Canoe Area, more tillable soil, the New York Stock Exchange, the Pacific Northwest, the American auto industry, the Rockies and a Sharpie. Hey, maybe California will join us! Hellooo, Yosemite! Tired of you-know-who? Three conditions: The Statue of Liberty is coming, merci beaucoup. No dystopian, technofascist oligarchs. And no Teslas.

We can do better, much better.

Yours truly,

The future province of Maine.

Jennifer Wilder Kierstead
Waterville