PORTLAND — There was a time last spring when Addison DeRoche didn’t feel like she was her best, especially in the pitching circle. The Cheverus softball standout would pitch, and the ball just didn’t feel right coming off her hand. It’s frustrating, and frustration has a way of morphing into doubt, and doubt is the mortal enemy of every athlete.

“You want to be able to feel like yourself, and when you’re not, you’re like why am I not myself? You can’t figure it out,” DeRoche said Friday afternoon, standing next to the third base dugout at Cheverus’ softball field. “You go through all the drills. You take time and it takes a lot of the capacity in your brain, and you’re trying to go through that. You’re like, what the heck? I still worked out a lot. It’s just something doesn’t feel right.”

That’s why when DeRoche was named the Maine’s Gatorade Softball Player of the Year, and Gatorade told her it would make a $1,000 donation in her name to the youth sports organization of her choice, she didn’t hesitate.

DeRoche choose the Mental Edge Softball Camp, created by her friend Oakley McLeod, who will be a Windham High senior this fall. DeRoche not only volunteered at the camp the last two years, she benefitted from the focus is puts on playing softball with a strong mental health focus.

“I think Oakley did a really great job starting this, and I didn’t really want to give this to anybody else. I think, especially in softball, you fail almost all the time,” DeRoche said. “Just trying to be able to help others get through their mental problems and come out on top. Realize it’s an amazing gift to be able to play this sport, and we should all be able to work together.”

In May, McLeod held the camp for the second time. After 85 players attended in 2024 at Payson Park, 160 showed up for this year’s sessions at the University of Southern Maine’s fieldhouse. The camp stresses playing for the love of the game and having fun no matter what happens.

Cheverus High School’s Addison DeRoche, left, poses with Windham’s Oakley McLeod on Friday at Cheverus in Portland. (Daryn Slover/Staff Photographer)

“It’s grown. I feel like younger kids are getting the idea of mental health in sports, and they don’t have to always play the game and not know how to fail,” McLeod said.

That’s not always easy for a player of DeRoche’s skill level. This past spring, she earned Varsity Maine Player of the Year honors for the second straight season, after going 12-1 with a 0.43 ERA, with 177 strikeouts in 81 innings pitched. DeRoche is a complete player, not just a pitcher, and she led the Cheverus offense with a .533 batting average, with seven home runs and 30 RBI.

DeRoche doesn’t fail often on a softball field, but still, there are those times the grip isn’t there. The pitchers aren’t making the dance moves you’re used to. The hits aren’t falling. Doubt doesn’t need an open door. It can wiggle through the smallest crack and make itself at home.

Part of the reason she was able to overcome the mental struggles she faced this past season is the time she spent working at the Mental Edge camp, DeRoche said.

“Working the stations, you’d see the love on the girls faces. They’re looking up to you, and they say ‘I went to your high school game.’ It’s cool to see that I’m helping others to keep going on their path and their journey,” DeRoche said.

It made he realize, that whatever she feels with the state’s softball eyes focused on her, it should not be pressure. At midnight on Sept. 1, colleges are allowed to start offering scholarships to athletes entering their junior year of high school. Expect many of the top Division I softball programs in the country to reach out to DeRoche. It’s about to get hectic. A strong mental approach to the circus will help.

Cheverus pitcher Addison DeRoche, left, presents a check to Oakley McLeod that Gatorade donated in DeRoche’s name to the Mental Edge Softball Camp McLeod organizes. (Daryn Slover/Staff Photographer)

“I’ve always wanted to be in the spotlight, I think, since I was little. It’s a blessing for people to come and watch and want to watch us and bring attention to this sport. Especially in the state of Maine. You go through ups and downs, but it’s all worth it,” she said.

For the better of all softball players, DeRoche set aside the rivalry between Cheverus and Windham. The teams met in each of the last two Class A South regional championship games. DeRoche and the Stags won in 2024 on their way to the state title, and Windham took the win and the state crown this spring. Windham also won a state championship in 2023, and both teams should be among the state’s best in 2026.

Friday afternoon, as DeRoche and McLeod posed together with the giant check from Gatorade, none of that mattered.

“I just think everybody’s in it for the right reasons, and that’s what’s most important at the end of the day. We all compete, and people like to watch us compete,” DeRoche said. “Each time we play, it’s like a one-run game. I just think it’s cool to have that, but also give back and see this is what we’re really playing for.”

McLeod appreciated the donation. She knows $1,000 will do a lot of good in helping the Mental Edge Softball Camp grow and reach even more players. That the donation came from a friend and respected opponent made it sweeter. The positivity can be contagious.

“I love playing (Cheverus). It’s always a good match. Addison is a great pitcher. Every time I go up to the plate (against her), I’m thinking, let’s just get on base. Let’s make something happen,” McLeod said. “She’s a great person and great player.”