Lew Alessio of Greene is the former director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s HIV prevention program for nine counties in Maine.

I was raised Catholic. Deeply, fervently, obediently Roman Catholic.

My family — my single mom, my sister Arlene and I — said the rosary each night, praying on our knees. I attended: Catholic kindergarten and Notre Dame Catholic Grade School in New Hyde Park, New York; St. Mary’s Catholic High School for Boys in Manhasset, New York; and St. John’s University — yes, Jesuit Catholic. I taught religion classes in Sodality.

So, in short, for a long time, I lived the faith.

Gradually at first, and then at my epiphany, Catholicism ceased to have answers, purpose or meaning for me.

Years of roller-coaster emotions followed. Loss, confusion, isolation, fear, shame, until, at last, after much introspection, study and no prayer whatsoever, a confident understanding of truth became clear — truth that has integrity, meaning and morality for me.

My journey followed a path known to millions of Americans. About 43% of birth Catholics have left the Church.

Nevertheless, my outsider status as a former Catholic still retains a deep respect and joy in the art, architecture and music that Catholicism has inspired among the devout for millennia.

Deeper still is my respect for those for whom the miracles and tenets of Catholicism continue to hold meaning and truth. While I do not share their beliefs, my faith is not threatened by theirs.

Though no scientific analysis can validate transubstantiation, its sacredness and validity is unquestioned by many faithful. While some mock the concept of prayer, I honor that it brings comfort to many. I hope that my disbelief is never regarded as unkind, though it is sometimes harshly judged immoral.

At least for the time being, my life is reasonably safe, my values are not threatened, my rights as a human being — as an American — are not diminished because others do not share my reality or my moral code. 

Not all in my community are so lucky. 

I expect that my transgender friends are as fervent in their beliefs and their truths as are most Catholics. Their deep understanding of self-identity is as central to their existence as Catholicism was to me at age 12.

Yet our society demands universal adherence to strict roles. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s wisdom speaks to many: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Unfamiliar gender presentation is a threat to many who perceive that their lives are lessened by others who seek to understand and live their own truth, who strive, as I did, but against far more challenging obstacles, toward a life of integrity.

Today, for some people, disorientation at transgender people is so disabling, so enraging as to render any claim to moral virtue contradictory.

My husband, Jim, and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary in 2026. Now, of course, many people do not and will not accept our marriage. We view that as their limitation … hey, we’re actually nice guys. And someone who refuses to accept us does not affect us.

For what it is worth (and to us, it’s worth a lot!), many studies indicate that men’s same-sex marriages have a considerably lower divorce rate than straight marriages.

But transgender people do, indeed, need a level of acceptance from the general public, certainly a level of protection that they are not getting. Violence against transgender people continues to increase, further fueled by the current political climate. The facts are frightening, but especially so among our youth.

One statistic alone should raise concern. A recent Trevor Project of Maine survey of youth aged 13-24 found that 42% of trans and nonbinary young people in Maine had seriously considered suicide in the past year.

An op-ed in the Bangor Daily News referred to a study that found that 30% of trans middle schoolers and 41% of trans high schoolers reported forced sexual contact. 

Reports of violence against transgender men and women are in the news daily.

Someone reading this who responds with anything other than sadness and compassion might do well to wonder when they lost their humanity. And perhaps it is time for them to start their own journey on a path toward integrity, meaning and morality.

It could very well be their life’s greatest accomplishment.