For folks who celebrate Christmas, or any other winter gift giving holiday, we’re getting down to crunch time for gift buying, especially if you need to calculate shipping time — unless you’re like my dad, whose favorite shopping time was after 3 p.m. on Christmas Eve. (He liked the adrenaline rush.)

Before Sonny was born, my wife and I were given many lovely baby gifts. However, not all of them were immediately useful, especially in the newborn trenches. So allow me to share, as a little gift guide if you have new parents in your life, the stuff that has been most life and sanity saving over the past two months.

An eye mask for sleeping. Everyone will tell you to “sleep when the baby sleeps.” What they
won’t tell you is that, despite the CIA torture levels of sleep deprivation you will achieve,
your body will stubbornly cling to a circadian rhythm. So despite your exhaustion, if you try
to take a nap at high noon, your body will probably go “Hey! It’s light outside! Time to be
awake!” An eye mask will help.

Massager. While holding and carrying your baby is very emotionally natural, from an
ergonomic standpoint it’s one of the more unnatural things your shoulders and back could
be doing. No matter how in shape you are when they’re born, you’re going to end up with
aches and pains, or at least weird knots of tension.

A heating pad. Again, this is for the sore muscles. It also serves a bonus useful trick: if your
baby falls asleep on you but wakes up while being put in their crib, you can use the heating
pad to warm the crib up first, so they don’t to notice the drop in temperature as much. Sonny loves it. (Note: do not under any circumstances put your baby on the heating pad,
unless they happen to be a lizard.)

Bathrobe. Consider a nice one that can also be easily thrown in the wash. It must have big pockets. In the first few weeks, a surprising amount of new parents are going to give up on
clothes completely. They just aren’t worth it … especially if you’re breastfeeding.

Speaking of breastfeeding: a nursing pillow. Even if you’re exclusively bottle feeding, it will
help your upper body so much. The only downside is if you have pets, they will immediately
become obsessed with it. Every time I leave mine unattended, I come back to Karma
sleeping on it like a weary passenger on a transatlantic flight sleeps on a neck pillow they
bought at the airport.

A spinning baby mobile. I have one that I’ve set up to be removable from Sonny’s bassinet, so it doesn’t keep him awake at sleep time, but purchasing one was my mom’s suggestion and as per
usual she was right. When I need a couple minutes to run to the bathroom or put the dogs
on the line, I pop him in and get the mobile spinning. He’s fascinated. I can practically see
his little neurons firing. Ours is black and white; newborn color vision takes a few weeks to come in.

Specific onesies. Pregnant people and new parents will receive a ton of adorable little onesies. They will end up using between five and eight on a regular rotation. The best kind are longsleeve onesies with feet and, crucially, a two way zipper. And buy them in the three-month size. Sonny didn’t even get a chance to wear all his newborn clothes before outgrowing them. A good problem to have, unless you have a passion for fashion.

The Baby Shusher®. This is the only branded item I feel truly hyped about. It’s a simple sound machine that replicates human shooshing sounds on a 15- or 30-minute timer. It bills itself as “the sleep miracle.” I’m not sure it would meet the Vatican’s criteria for a miracle but it’s been very helpful. You’d be surprised at how fast your mouth muscles get tired from going SHHHH for 15 straight minutes. The only problem is that it’s so soothing I find myself getting sleepy as well.

Dog walking services. This one will only apply to people who own a dog, unless they have
an unusually energetic cat. But seriously, get them a gift certificate or some prepaid visits
from a dog walker. I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is to have someone come in a few times a week and get some of Karma’s energy out, especially when the weather is too chilly to take Sonny out in his carrier. (Or if he’s decided he hates his carrier that particular day.)

As for myself, I haven’t managed to get out and about for my shopping this year — all my Christmas shopping has been done one-handed, on the couch, with a baby in the other arm. Thank God for delivery workers, the heroes of my holidays!