Frank E. Reilly lives in Portland, where he continues to write plays and essays. He is also president of the Friends of Lincoln Park.

“Men, can’t live with them and can’t live without them!” Please don’t ask me to explain that in today’s society.

On Feb. 12, I was shocked to read the op-ed “Domestic abuse is more of a threat to Maine than illegal immigration,” by Patrisha McLean. I couldn’t agree with Patrisha more.

Is it just Maine that we have such a large percentage of domestic abuse where the man is the perpetrator of the violence, or is it as prevalent elsewhere? It’s alarming and disturbing, not only in the present sense but, if nothing is done to protect women, in the future.

For generations, men have been the leaders, builders, providers, decision makers, ulcer and heart attack victims, while it was the women who had to man the home base: children, food, husband and expenses, to say nothing of her own personal needs. Today the scene has changed drastically, with women primarily leading the pack in business, major decisions, highlighted in films and books, and especially in leading government roles where they are gaining ground.

The balance between men and women has changed markedly, with advertising showing a preponderance of women featured often in the superior role of the couple, even to the point of implying the woman being the decision maker. I had a long career in advertising in New York and San Francisco; I can tell you I know something about subliminal messaging.

For example, there is the image of a woman, usually with other women, seeking medical help, the man in the background, indicating he doesn’t have too much influence, and the commercial ends with our healthier heroine out having a damn good time for herself, but with her girlfriends. Is this fantasy time, or are we in real time?

Painting a negative example of men, one lacking in inspiration, motivation or acceptance provokes the questions: Are we all being robbed of our identity by advertising, media and government? Are men especially being marginalized, victimized and sterilized by these ubiquitous intrusions? Do we smell the essence of a problem brewing?

Domestic violence comes from anger, rage, often out of control. Women should not have to live in fear for their lives. Men who violate this privacy need to be apprehended, with judicial punishment and/or medical intervention. He needs help.

Maine’s Department of Health and Human Services, headed by Sara Gagné-Holmes, works to address the safety of women, especially, as well as children and men, with a staff made up mostly of women. I mention this deliberately. Is is it better to have a woman or a man address the issue of domestic violence, seeing that it is the man who is in the driver’s seat and he is violent, desperate and at large?

When a man is on the brink, is it more effective to have a woman to psychologically deal with the problematic male and to fully understand his psyche, or does the situation require a male-to-male review? Is his issue anger management, unemployment, identity crisis or general disturbance, and, once identified, where does he go for help, and is it possible that the male pictures himself as much a victim as the female? Also, are we being pitted against each other?

Domestic violence is not a new problem in Maine, but a growing one, without a solution. We are not in a position to wait for another lengthy and expensive analysis when we already know the problem. Too many women are in jeopardy and too many men are striking out. Are we to wait and hope it will miraculously work itself out or do we tackle the problem now?

I think we all have the answer to that question.