How the latest war began.
President Trump: Ho hum, I feel kind of bored today and kind of, I don’t know … uneasy. There’s something on my mind, but it’s not that matter that begins with an “E” and ends with an “ein.” I never think about that. Anyway, just for the heck of it, I thought we might start a war. It would be a good diversion and make me look … bold … where others fear to tread.
Secretary Pete Hegseth: What a brilliant idea, sir. Would I be able to use my bombs?
Trump: Of course, Petey. What are they for? You can use as many bombs as you like.
Hegseth: And how about my men in uniform? Can I send them?
Trump: Sure thing. I bet some of them have never been abroad. Do them good to get out.
Hegseth: When can we do it?
Trump: Now.
Hegseth: What about Congress?
Trump: They’ll do whatever I say.
Hegseth, gushing: This will be a gas. Can’t wait to see the videos. I love the part when there’s the boom and flash and the smoke rises over the cities. You are … you are, sir, the greatest leader in the history of humankind.
Trump: I know.
Eleanor Morse
Peaks Island
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