Jeanine Deas is resource coordinator for KVCAP, a nonprofit community action program that has been providing services to the people of Kennebec and Somerset counties since 1965.

As an early childhood educator, I am grateful to parents and caregivers for the privilege of visiting them in-home. I join families for part of their parenting journey, respecting their role, being patient with their process and celebrating their successes with them.

While discussing “discipline verses punishment” with one mom, she said, “I spanked my older son a few times, but I don’t spank anymore, not since the time my toddler and I were playing rough and tumble. When I said it was time to stop, he continued, so I gave him a swat. He smiled, and swat me back. At that moment, I realized he thought I was playing.”

She witnessed the innocence and trust her son had in her. His little mind could not wrap itself around the thought of his mommy intentionally hurting him. His experience of her had been kindness, protection and love. Would we want a child to think otherwise? Would we want to betray a child’s trust? Spanking interferes with a healthy parent-child bond.

This parent could have thought the toddler’s actions were a challenge to her authority, resulting in a spanking. It could have led to her spanking harder, further eroding the child’s sense of trust and safety to the one he depends on for protection and love.

When a child is being hurt, and being hit hurts both physically and emotionally, their ability to think clearly shuts down. They feel confused and afraid. They learn to believe that the grown-ups on whom they depend can be dangerous. The more a child is “spanked” the less likely they are to regard the parent as a trusted source of love and protection.

Our society has become increasingly violent. It is even more critical that we choose nonviolent means to solve conflicts, especially with our children. Children depend on us for their safety.

They look to us for guidance. Let our guidance be positive, respectful, peaceful and kind.

Discipline is to guide and teach. When a child runs toward the street, rather than using your hand to spank, use your hand to guide the child away from danger. Use your voice in this teachable moment to explain that the street is dangerous, not you.

Children learn respect through watching others model it and through feeling respected, especially by parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches and all other adult role models.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Please take time to reflect on your own parenting practices. How might you improve your interactions with children? How can you support others to improve their interactions with children? How can you be a positive role model? The world will be a better place.