3 min read

Yes, I have a new bird. OK, it was a stupid choice. I was lonely, and a bird was cheaper than a sheepdog. No shots, no leash, no trips to the veterinarian or groomer.

OK, we are kind of friendly, but not really. We, my daughters and I, named him Mr. Paco. He has yet to respond to that name, and I don’t have another. So, it’s Paco.

As most readers know, I lost my first gorgeous yellow cockatiel, Ms. Kramer, after 25 years. That’s right. You heard me. Twenty-five years ago, I found her in a tree for nothing. Mr. Paco cost me $300. That’s right. You heard me — $300. I already had Ms. Kramer’s cage, which cost $100. That’s the cage Paco sits in right now, never shutting up, just chirping all the time. Do canaries make that much noise?

J.P. Devine wonders what would be the best way for his cockatiel, Paco, to fly across the country. Here, Paco asks the small statue of Buddha for advice about fitting in at the home of J.P. Devine in Waterville.  J.P. Devine photo

Here’s the rub. If I decide to move to Los Angeles, to be nearer to my daughters, and abandon this huge haunted house where the spirit of my Katherine whispers in my ear daily as she tries to keep me from burning it down, what do I do with Mr. Paco?

My daughters love him, but find it impossible to have him live with them. My oldest has two huge dogs who would probably kill him. My youngest, a lawyer/actors agent, might find a spot on a sitcom for him. Can you see it? “Come Fly With Me,” starring Mr. Paco.

So she went online to explore Mr. Paco’s transportation options, should I wish to send him on before me rather than take him on a plane with me.

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Here are the details given to her by Hunter Stanley, a Blue Collar Pet Transport specialist, on flying a pet commercially, the least expensive of his company’s options (they also provide door-to-door ground transportation and private jets).

Airport-to-Airport Flight Nanny Service:

Total Cost: $1,500.

Deposit: $1,500 (to reserve your flight nanny)

Balance: $0.00 (due before flight departure)

“Our flight nanny service offers the fastest and most hands-on transport experience. A trained flight nanny will accompany your bird in-cabin on a commercial flight, ensuring constant supervision and comfort from takeoff to landing. We’ll coordinate meet-and-greet handoffs at both airports — our nanny will meet you at the departure airport and hand off your bird at the arrival airport directly to you or your designated contact. This is a great option for nervous travelers” (that would be me who is nervous traveling even by car) “or those with time-sensitive schedules. You’ll receive updates and photos throughout the journey, and we’ll handle all travel arrangements to make the experience seamless.”

Thank you, Hunter, for your letter. Paco likes the idea of flying to L.A. with stops in Kansas, Missouri and Arizona to swim with some ducks in a lake. If I have any money left before I buy a mattress to sleep on an L.A. street, I’ll call you. Would you settle for $50?

J.P. Devine is a Waterville writer.

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