Jason Cook lives in Alberta, Canada.

So, Sen. Joe Martin wants Western Canada to join the United States. Yeah, because nothing says “upgrade” like hitching your wagon to a country that’s currently running itself into the ground like a drunk NASCAR driver.

He calls it an “invitation to maturity.” From who? A nation led by reality-show strongmen, where half the population thinks “facts” are a liberal conspiracy and where your Supreme Court justices treat the Constitution like it’s a Ouija board? Spare us the sermon on governance. The U.S. economy is a rollercoaster built by the lowest bidder — record debt, crumbling infrastructure and billionaires paying less tax than a minimum-wage cashier — but sure, tell us more about how you’re the beacon of fiscal sanity.

He calls Canadian rights an “illusion” compared to the U.S. Bill of Rights. This from a country where your right to “free speech” somehow includes billionaires buying elections, where “religious freedom” is code for denying other people theirs and where “gun rights” mean kids get bulletproof backpacks for Christmas.

His plan demands Western Canadians ditch their laws, history and bilingualism — because in Sen. Martin’s America, “freedom” apparently means only having one culture, one language and one acceptable political opinion. It’s a melting pot where you don’t get to keep the flavor — you just dissolve.

And that bit about “state sovereignty”? That’s rich. U.S. states get “sovereignty” right up until Washington decides to step in, whether it’s abortion bans, book bans or telling teachers what they can say about history. Call it what it is: a bait-and-switch with a flag on top.

What’s the real motive? Power. Two more senators per province. More electoral votes. A shiny new voting bloc for whatever party thinks it can own them. Martin doesn’t want Western Canada because he loves liberty — he wants it because he loves winning elections without winning arguments.

Canada doesn’t need this. We don’t need a “rescue” from a neighbor that’s circling the drain while congratulating itself on being the last best hope of Earth. That line might’ve worked when you led the free world. But that was before the endless wars, before the Jan. 6 cosplay coup, before the world started doing trade deals without you.

So no thanks, Senator. Keep your welcome mat. It’s frayed, it smells like hypocrisy and it leads straight into a house that’s on fire.