I will start this column with a disclaimer: I’m not Catholic. However, I attended Catholic school for 13 years, which included Mass, and can pass as a member of the faithful for short periods of time. 

I always thought of John Paul II as The Pope. I’m pretty sure a couple of my classrooms growing up had his picture on the wall. He was the head of the Catholic Church from the time I entered kindergarten at St. Patrick’s School to a month before I graduated eighth grade.

Then there was Benedict XVI, who I and many others thought of as Nazi Pope (yes, I know membership in the Hitler Youth was required; no, I don’t really care). Even though I was out of Catholic school by the time Pope Francis was elected, I always called him New Pope.

I liked New Pope. Sure, I definitely didn’t agree with him on everything — particularly anything involving women’s reproductive rights and LGBTQ people — but his brand of Catholicism seemed a lot closer to the Catholics who taught me during childhood. Teachers were always volunteering or raising money for some worthy cause or another, rather than the Catholic leadership, which seemed, to me, much more focused on attacking the rights of women and queer people than on feeding the poor and caring for the sick. (You know, the stuff Jesus specifically instructs us to do.)

After the gay marriage battles of the early 2010s, I was feeling pretty darn iffy toward organized religion in general and the Catholic Church in particular (having a bunch of people campaign to prevent you specifically from getting married will do that). New Pope made me feel that, sometimes, a church can be a force for good in the world, and not just a polite hate group with incense. 

While I have obviously been referring mentally to Pope Leo as New New Pope; the internet has been calling him “Chicago Pope.” So far, he seems to be in the mold of Francis, expressing love and care for the oppressed of the world: migrants, the poor and victims of war among them. This has brought him into conflict with President Trump and the MAGA crew. 

I admit it is not very Christlike of me to be excited for a fight. But I find myself whispering, “Yes, Mr. President, yes, pick a fight with the Holy See, this will go great for you.” 

The Pope tweeted — because in the year of our Lord Anno Domini 2026 that’s a legitimate way to start a sentence — “God does not bless any conflict. Anyone who is a disciple of Christ, the Prince of Peace, is never on the side of those who once wielded the sword and today drop bombs.”

Apparently this really cheesed off the president of the United States, who said that the Pope was “weak on crime” as if he was a Midwestern mayor instead of the mouthpiece of God on Earth.

Then Vice President James David Vance, who converted to Catholicism in 2019, had the nerve to say that if the Pope is “going to opine on matters of theology,” his comments needed to be “anchored in the truth.”

I’m pretty sure the whole purpose of the Pope is to opine on matters of theology. 

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, when asked for comment, said, “A pontiff or any religious leader can say anything they want, but obviously, if you wade into political waters, I think you should expect some political response.” As if New New Pope had just accidentally waded into a puddle of political debate instead of taking a well-calculated dive into the deep end.

“Is the Pope political?” is a joke on par with “Is the Pope Catholic?” and whether or not a bear uses a bathroom in the woods. The Catholic Church was the preeminent political actor in the Western world for centuries. (I’m sure if Vance paid attention in history class he would have known this. I’m guessing he thought history was too woke.)

If the Catholic Church isn’t supposed to be political, what was it doing taking up special collections during services and asking for contributions from other dioceses to help fund the campaign against gay marriage in Maine in 2009? Also, the diocesan director of public affairs was the chairman of the “Yes on 1” anti-gay marriage campaign.

I guess being political is OK when it supports conservative causes. As soon as New New Pope starts saying war is bad, that’s a problem and apparently personally offensive to the White House. 

The Catholic Church has been around for 2,000 years for a reason. It knows what it is doing. For better or for worse, its membership is very, very good at survival. The Vatican has seen empires rise and fall and remained steady.

MAGA is not going to win a fight against the Pope — especially a Pope from Chicago.