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J.P. Devine
  • Published
    January 22, 2012

    J.P. DEVINE: My first love? Think Twinkie

    One day at recess in the school yard at St. Mary and Joseph Catholic School, I fell down and seriously skinned my knee. Everyone laughed and ran off, except for Mary Lister.

  • Published
    January 15, 2012

    J.P. DEVINE: No snow? Know snow

    "You call this snow?" he shouts down from the top of his truck.

  • Published
    January 8, 2012

    J.P. DEVINE: A new goodbye; a long goodbye

    She stands at the gate watching her son board the bus. She talks to him on her cellphone. She is in her late 70s, maybe a well-kept, fit 80. He is seated now and she can't see him, but he's there on her cell, where they keep up the conversation they started at breakfast. They continued in the car probably, going over the little things.

  • Published
    December 24, 2011

    J.P. DEVINE: Making it home for the holidays

    They're coming. They're coming home from every point on the compass: Kabul, Berlin, Korea. They're coming from Los Angeles, Chicago, El Paso, Eagle Pass and Tampico.

  • Published
    December 18, 2011

    J.P. DEVINE: Angels and egg nog

    They always start when I'm decorating the tree. I've got the ornament box out. I've poured myself some fat-free low-cal organic egg nog, and I turn the flat screen on for some Christmas music, and there it is, the first of them, the weepy-every-year-at-this-time-traditional Christmas movies. It's 4 in the afternoon, and it's as dark as 9 at night, as I try to ignore them. That's impossible.

  • Published
    December 11, 2011

    J.P. DEVINE: The wait to retire shortens

    There it is right on the front page of the Los Angeles Times: “Many Americans will have to work until they’re 80.”

  • Published
    November 27, 2011

    J.P. DEVINE, ON THE EDGE: That’s amore!

    Let's talk about pizza. But first, let's see a show of hands. Who wants to be the first in Maine to call President Barack Obama and Congress and tell them that the tomato is not a vegetable, it's a fruit?

  • Published
    November 20, 2011

    ON THE EDGE: Wash, rinse, repeat

    I was a grown man before I discovered that I had obsessive compulsive disorder. (Watch everyone cross the street now when they see me coming.)

  • Published
    November 13, 2011

    J.P. DEVINE: Broken totems? Pass them on

    On the table before me, I have four broken rosary beads, six funeral crucifixes, two Blessed Mothers, one with a broken head and one without an arm, and Jesus without an eye. Don't ask. It's a long story. The point is, what to do with all of this stuff? I'm not even a practicing Catholic anymore. Another long story.

  • Published
    November 6, 2011

    ON THE EDGE: A mustache for a good cause

    Herman Cain will never be elected President of the United States. It's not his 9-9-9 pitch or his politics, it's his mustache. Has anyone really noticed that thin crawl of hair on his upper lip? It raises the question: Who, in 2011 would elect a man to the highest office who has a mustache when no one since William Howard Taft has had one? Is it really a no-no?

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