Once upon a time, when the world was young, we used to inscribe our new school notebooks with our name, address, town and state.

Then we’d continue: The United States of America, North America, Earth, the Solar System, The Milky Way, The Universe. I remember thinking that I was growing up in the best country at the best time in the whole history of the universe. If you ever had such a notebook, I’ll bet you thought so, too.

Today, our country needs our help. The bright promise and enduring values that characterized the America we grew up in are threatened by sloganeering and squabbling “leaders.”

We the people of Maine need to lead for ourselves right now. We can’t wait for “leadership” from elsewhere. One of the best things about Maine is the human connection that we live out every day. This is a valuable part of our culture that we need to celebrate and help to maintain.

When a family’s house burns down, another house is found. When a cancer patient has to be taken for treatments, friends and neighbors organize rides. When there’s a benefit supper, everyone brings food and shows up. Especially in emergencies, we know how to get things done together.

Well, this is an emergency. It’s not an earthquake or a hurricane or a terrorist attack. It’s a slow-moving disaster that we are doing to ourselves — a crisis of civic behavior.

We can lead the way out of it. Let’s act here in Maine as we would like the rest of the country to behave. We need to put aside rancorous, divisive rhetoric. Differing opinions are good. Abusing each other and fostering hate and bullying are bad. Ignoring the facts is especially bad.

Let’s not put up with local dignitaries, religious figures, party leaders, state and local politicians, bloggers, columnists, or anyone else who steps over the line.

I am not talking about strong statements and definite points of view. I am not talking about having a good open disagreement. What I am talking about is demagoguing, making up “facts” or brandishing “enemies lists.” I am talking about personal attacks, about not honoring the fact that another’s position involves real thinking, real feeling and real differences.

The foundation of civic life in America is the conviction that everyone has value and that everyone has a voice. We regularly fall short of this ideal, but it is a worthy goal. It means that we must always listen with the heart as well as the mind, and we must learn over and over again that we don’t know everything and that the other person can teach us something that we need to know. That way, we can choose the best way forward for all.

When you come across “civic disaster behavior,” you might comment on it to family and friends. See if they agree and if you can decide what might be a good thing to do to create a response in a Maine-like way. (This could be a great teachable moment if you have kids. Or parents!)

You might figure out a way to call public attention to the civic disaster behavior or to dissociate yourself from it. (“X does not speak for me” might be enough.) There are state or local organizations that are trying to build or maintain community; you could support them. They’d welcome you.

You might post a polite comment on a website or via social media, or write a letter to the editor. No flaming! No bad pictures! Certainly, don’t encourage more civic disaster behavior by engaging in it!

Ignoring disaster behavior is not enough anymore. For bullies, silence is permission.

Speaking up is not easy to do. Many of us are reticent. That too is part of the Maine way. But in this civic emergency, we all need to try. We will sometimes fail. It is especially hard to meet angry words with calm and reason. It takes practice. It takes courage. But we have to keep trying.

If we give up searching for common ground, if we always just opt for silence, if we settle for beating our “enemies,” then we will always fail.

America can’t afford for us to fail. Remember what we thought about our country as we wrote in our notebooks many years ago. It is up to us to make it still true for today and tomorrow.

Theodora J. Kalikow is president of the University of Maine at Farmington. She can be reached at [email protected]