Dear Harlan,

I graduated high school a complete virgin. I had kissed one guy before. After I went away to a big state university, I had one regrettable black-out drunken night during freshman year where I made out with three guys and the fourth guy took my virginity. Everyone knew I was a virgin before him and I had even turned down two other guys who only wanted to make out previous to this night. After this night, I went from being called a “prude” to being labeled a “slut.” Guys who knew of this story immediately blacklisted me from the dating pool. I’m now a junior in college who hasn’t had sex again and who has never had oral sex. I feel inexperienced, but unfortunately I can’t lie about being a virgin to someone who I want to be in a truthful and meaningful relationship with. Will this one night be a deal-breaker for a future guy who I want to be in a committed relationship with?

Incomplete Virgin

Dear Incomplete Virgin,

Assuming you’re about 20 years old, this is one regrettable drunken night in 7,300 nights of your life. Hundreds of one-night stands with hundreds of different men might be a deal-breaker, but not one. You’ve learned. You didn’t do it again. Hopefully you’ve been tested for sex souvenirs (herpes, HPV, etc.). Share this info only if someone asks. If a guy doesn’t want to date you because of this one mistake, appreciate that you have thousands of other options. Should you discuss your past with a future partner, make it clear that it was one night and one mistake. Then move on. Don’t make it bigger than the .00013 percent that this one night represents based on 7,300 nights of life.

Dear Harlan,

I met this guy last year toward the end of the semester. We had dinner and then we went home for the summer. When we got back to school, our hanging out continued. We met up at a party and he kissed me. The next week he took me out on a date. Soon we met up at a party and I slept at his place (no sex, not without commitment). Since that date he has barely initiated any conversations or asked me to hang out. But every time I text him he is flirty and sweet. He jokingly mentioned that he has a self-confidence issue, but I feel like I’ve done everything but yell, “I’m into you” in his face. What’s the hold up? I like him, but at this point it’s getting frustrating. I just want to know where I stand. Do I continue texting him and trying to make something work, or does he just not like me that way?

Waiting for Clues

Dear Waiting for Clues,

Stop texting and start yelling. Tell him in a sweet voice (you don’t really have to yell) that you’re into him. Make it safe for him to want you. Then ask what he wants. Some men aren’t good at expressing their feelings. They’re afraid of rejection, making you uncomfortable or feeling uncomfortable. Once you make it clear that you want him and want to know the truth, he can comfortably make it clear what he wants.

If he doesn’t want you, move on to one of the thousands of other guys waiting to date (and love) you.

Harlan is the author of “The Happiest Kid On Campus: A Parent’s Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for You and Your Child)” (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.