Dear Harlan,

I met a girl on the Internet and we clicked immediately. We never officially dated, but we got very flirty, talked a ton and were sexual as well. It was as if we were in a relationship. We talked about how we were perfect for each other, aside from the fact that we lived on opposite sides of the country. We both knew our relationship wouldn’t last for long, but agreed that if something else came along we’d talk about it and possibly move on.

I left for a trip out of the country and when I came back, after I flirted with her a bit, she told me she found someone else. Over the course of a few days, this turned into “We shouldn’t talk anymore — I have real friends now and don’t need you.” It was done in a very mean and insensitive way, and I feel used and betrayed. I feel like after talking for two months the way we had, and having her tell me I gave her butterflies and made her giddy, and made her so happy, that she’d have some ounce of respect for me. But I was dropped like a rock in the ocean. I have no idea what to do now. I want to get back at her, but I know that’s not right. Please help.

Girl Troubles

Dear Girl Troubles,

This is when online relationships get weird. For all you know, she could have been recording you for an online amateur porn site. I know your feelings were real, but it’s hard to know what’s real when having an online relationship. Clearly, your feelings were real. And she rejected you. That hurts. It doesn’t matter if it happened online. Here’s what you need to do — find a person you can see, touch and kiss. Ask questions. Meet her friends. Meet her family. Make sure she is living the life she tells you about. You can meet online and make a connection, but not date online. Smelling someone will tell you if the relationship is fresh and good or stinky and bad. Just be grateful you can’t catch anything from online sex. Now let’s just hope she didn’t record anything.

Dear Harlan,

Should I be mad at my boyfriend? I asked im to give me space, and he’s actually been giving it to me. I’m a little surprised and confused. What should I do now that I have the space I need?

Floating in Space

Dear Floating in Space,

I love your boyfriend. I’m not actually in love with your boyfriend, but I love how he handled this situation. He listened to you. He gave you an opportunity to look around and find someone better. He also made it clear that he can look around and find someone better. Only a confident, comfortable and loving man can do this for his girlfriend. The fact that he gave you permission to NOT want him makes you want him that much more. And that’s a smart man. Figure out what you want and then commit. Hope that he’s still single and available should you realize you don’t need space.

Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com

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