That saucy black-clad blond pitchperson for the oil and natural gas cartels is back again. And again.

She begins with questions and lets us know how many great jobs they’re creating for millions of Americans. She adds, “Log on to learn more.”

No thanks; I get it. And that walk — one foot precisely in front of the other. Who walks like that? Years ago, after a Christmas party in Los Angeles, the LAPD challenged me to walk like that. It was really difficult.

The other pitchman who annoys me is that motorcyclist who’s “been riding flat out all my life.” All due respect, he looks like a catcher’s mitt coming home at 3 a.m. Accelerating on that straightaway, his facial skin actually flaps. If I were him, I’d ride flat out to the nearest botox center.

I’ll skip the Marden’s lady, but not before suggesting decaf or Valium.

Of course my favorite TV pitchmen — and I’ll bet yours — are those arm wrasslin’ Furniture Superstore imps. I’ve often wondered why so many Maine stores offer XXXXXL sizes. No doubt, these guys never met a whoopie pie they didn’t eat. But I’ll bet their furniture is extra sturdy.

Enough already with TV. Who needs the aggravation? The weather’s warming up. Yesterday, the wife pointed out snow lilies. It’s time to hit the rail trail, the ball- field and the golf course. Buy that kayak you’ve been dreaming about, and brake for ice cream stands. And for those predisposed to riding flat out — and having your motorcycle blessed — I’m rooting for that “Ride for Rover” idea I floated a while back. This may be the best and most meaningful idea Gardiner’s come up with in a long time. Even if it’s mine.

Buddy Doyle


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