“A man who does not like dogs and want them about does not deserve to be in the White House.” — President Calvin Coolidge.

Did you hear the story about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? The guy lay awake at night wondering if there’s a Dog. That’s not my own, and it has no relevance at all to this column. I just thought it was funny and offer it as a public service.

Interestingly, dogs have figured about as largely as God in recent American politicking.

We know that Franklin Roosevelt’s dog was named Fala; Nixon had a dog named Checkers; Jimmy Carter had Grits; George H.W. Bush had Millie; George W. Bush had Barney and Miss Beazley; Bill Clinton had Buddy; and Barack Obama has Bo.

These names are pretty well known, but you can’t say as much about the presidents’ pastors, except the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, and his name is known only to conservatives. No liberal has any memory of him.

Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce and Chester A. Arthur had no pets of any description. They got no second terms. Fillmore and Arthur weren’t even elected once, being vice presidential successors to deceased presidents.

Andrew Johnson, another vice presidential successor, kept white mice, probably worse than having no pets at all. And it’s hard to believe that John Quincy Adams’ pet silkworms were much help in his re-election try.

Twenty-four American presidents kept dogs. Fifteen of them were elected to second terms, while Rutherford Hayes, James Garfield and Warren Harding were denied the chance by death.

The six dog-fanciers denied second terms were all special cases. Lyndon Johnson was photographed while picking up his beagles, Him and Her, by their ears. That pretty much finished his chances.

Herbert Hoover wouldn’t have survived if he had had a gross of greyhounds and a dozen dachshunds. Benjamin Harrison was a surly cold fish who annoyed people more when he did them favors than more genial presidents did when denying them.

Carter and Gerald Ford compromised themselves by keeping cats as well as dogs, a dangerous practice. Only Woodrow Wilson managed to escape the consequences of keeping cats as well as dogs, but he failed to win an outright majority in both his elections.

It’s true that Calvin Coolidge kept Blacky, Bounder and Tiger, but they were lost in a crowd of 13 dogs, three canaries, two raccoons, and one each donkey, bobcat, thrush, goose, mockingbird, bear, antelope, wallaby and pygmy hippo.

Teddy Roosevelt’s cats, Tom Quartz and Slippers, were given cover by five dogs, 12 horses, five bears, five guinea pigs, two kangaroo rats, lizards, roosters, and one each owl, flying squirrel, badger, pony, macaw, piebald rat, garter snake, raccoon, coyote, lion, hyena and zebra.

Who would notice a couple of cats in either of those zoo scenes?

We have a pretty clear pattern here, and you can be sure that America’s political consultants have noticed it. Petless presidential candidates are doomed to defeat. Dogs are always a safe choice and should be given top billing in the candidates’ menageries.

The only people who hate dogs are those who have been bitten by dogs, and even that is not a reliable rule. I myself was once bitten by a dog. My wife at the time feared that the mutt was mad, but it proved to be merely undiscriminating, and I harbor no grievance against that canine or any other.

Millions of Americans keep company with cats and many are very fond of them, but hatred or fear of cats (ailurophobia) is very real and affects some people deeply.

It is said that Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, a man for whom battle held no terrors, grew rattled and distressed if he heard a cat in the next room.

There is no accurate count of the number of Americans subject to this phobia, but since most elections are won or lost by margins of 3 percent to 5 percent, politicians are well advised to avoid them.

Clinton, a master of the middle ground, got away with adding add a cat named Socks to his household, after polling pet preferences, but he was always careful to give Buddy top billing.

The historical record shows why Mitt Romney’s method of transporting his dog Seamus and Obama’s dog-dining experience have about equal weight in the 2012 campaign with foreign policy, economics, education and the national debt.

John Frary of Farmington is a former congressional candidate and retired history professor. Email to [email protected]