I imagine a group of haiku experts, sitting around a circular oak table, cringing at what I’ve done to their beautiful poetry. I imagine they’re contemplating legal action, or the cost of sending a hit squad after me.
I’ve been doing this for 10 years, and there hasn’t been a cease and desist order yet.
It’s my semiannual sports haiku day, gang. The day I dust off my weak, weak poetic chops and mash together an art form that goes back hundreds of years with the sports headlines of the day.
Here’s a quick refresher. Haiku follows the pattern of five syllables on the first line, seven syllables on the second and five syllables on the third.
So, without further interruption, here are some sports haiku to help you start July.
Kevin Garnett
Glad you are still here
Intense leadership C’s need
Chasing rings, can’t wait
Youk 2012
Sweating in new Sox
Hustle to point of damage
Stay off the DL
Tim Thomas
Rest in the Rockies
Your politics are your biz
Thanks for the Cup, man
Crawford and Ellsbury
Take your time, fellas
Nava is tearing it up
Playing hard and cheap
NBA Draft
All those Wildcats!
And Tar Heels. Just once, why not
A Maine Black Bear? Please?
Will Middlebrooks
We love you now, rook
A slump changes everything
Nation is fickle
Rafael Nadal
How did you lose, man?
Rosol serves, you’re on your heels
Another ace. Wow.
Wes Welker
Small, reliable
Over the middle, pops up
A first down machine
Portland Sea Dogs
I beg you please please
Baseball the way it should be
Change that bad jingle
FBS Playoff
Pat yourself on back
But other divisions got
It right years ago
Fab Melo
Listen to Garnett
He will make you a player
This class do not skip
Hot Dog Eating Contest
Hooray gluttony!
Sixty-two in ten minutes
Heart stops, with mustard
Travis Lazarczyk — 861-9242
tlazarczyk@centralmaine.com
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