Adrian Gonzalez rolls over a weak ground ball to first base with two-runners and two outs on in the eighth inning of a two-run game against the New York Yankees. A few seconds later, I read on Twitter that Ray Allen has decided to sign with the Miami Heat.

The Red Sox kick me in the stomach, squandering another opportunity against the Yankees.

Ray Allen delivers a low blow, deciding to take his talents to South Beach.

Yes, sports makes me grumpy sometimes.

I know, I know, I’ve had it pretty good lately. I understand how fortunate I have been, growing up as a fan of Boston sports teams, to be able to root for winners for a long, long time. I’ve seen the Sox win two World Series, the Patriots win three Super Bowls and the Celtics win five NBA titles (OK, I was 1-year-old for one of them).

And despite the Celtics losing in the Eastern Conference finals this season, the 2011-12 season was more fun than we had any right to expect. The Celtics overachieved, thanks to a rejuvenated Kevin Garnett, the emergence of Avery Bradley, and the unusual scoring style of Paul Pierce, and nearly made another trip to the NBA finals. Miami ended that run, but it was a joy nonetheless.

The Patriots did lose the Super Bowl, but, hey, they played in the Super Bowl. You can’t complain about that kind of season.

The Red Sox, however, put me in a foul mood. I can’t think of a team I’ve enjoyed watching less than this bunch. It started last year when a horrible April and a worse September cost them a chance at the playoffs. There were stories of beer drinking in the clubhouse, former manager Terry Francona was thrown under the bus, and players were forced to make weak apologies for their actions.

Now, in 2012, we have the Bobby Valentine Red Sox sleepwalking their way through another season. Before Saturday’s doubleheader with the Yankees, the Sox were a game over .500 at 42-41, and before you had a chance to settle into your beach chair and tune in your radio for Game 1, they were down 4-0 in the first inning and on their way to a 6-1 loss.

A .500 record? Is that all $146 million gets you these days?

Yeah, I’m a little grumpy.

Allen leaving the Celtics is one thing. We all saw what happened the last time the Celtics held on to a Big Three for too long, back in the era of Bird, Parish and McHale. The stars got old and broke down and the franchise took years to recover. Maybe Allen leaving forces the Celtics to rebuild a bit as they try to make another run at the title.

But Allen signing with Miami is like Johnny Damon signing with the Yankees. Here’s a guy you want to root for, signing with a team you despise. It just feels gross.

Speaking of gross, I give you the 2012 Red Sox. It’s not just that they are bad, they are unlikeable. There’s Josh Beckett, acting all entitled, yet pitching like a minor leaguer. There’s Jon Lester, slumping his shoulder after going to yet another full count. There’s David Ortiz, complaining that no one thinks he’s a leader, then spouting off about his contract and the soap opera that is Boston baseball. There’s Adrian Gonzalez, playing with all the passion of J.D. Drew.

There’s Bobby Valentine acting like, well, Bobby Valentine.

First, he rips Kevin Youkilis, then, when the Sox trade Youkilis away, Valentine is on the field making a fool of himself like he’s Youk’s biggest fan. Watching Valentine, clap and point and tip his cap on the field, in front of the Red Sox dugout, demanding Youk take a curtain call and demanding the fans give him an ovation made me want to puke. It’s not about you, Bobby, get out of the way and give the player his moment.

The 2004 Red Sox were enjoyable not just because they made the greatest postseason comeback in baseball history and finally ended the Curse of the Bambino (though that certainly helped), but because they seemed to play with so much joy. Sure, Manny Ramirez and Pedro Martinez caused a few headaches, and Curt Schilling didn’t miss the chance to get in front of a camera, but that was a fun group. A bunch of goofballs who also happened to be really good ball players.

The 2004 Sox were “The Idiots.” The 2012 Sox are bad and boring.

What I’m trying to say is, I want the Red Sox to be fun again. This is not fun.

Neither is finding out Ray Allen will play for the Miami Heat.

Yeah, I’m a little grumpy.

Scott Martin — 621-5618

smartin@centralmaine.com

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