Dear Annie: Six years ago, my 54-year-old divorced sister, “Sue,” decided to move in with my parents because she was afraid to live by herself. At the time, Sue had a part-time job and my parents were in good health. Within a year, however, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Mom developed heart problems.

The other day I visited Mom, and she informed me that Sue can no longer work because she has to take care of them full time. She wants to pay Sue for her “services,” as well as take care of all of Sue’s bills. Mind you, Sue built up a nice savings account because my parents paid for everything, and she now has more than $150,000 in the bank. She also will be receiving a portion of her ex-husband’s pension in a few years. Despite this, Sue has convinced my parents that she will be homeless.

I could live with that, but Mom also let me know that she is changing her will so Sue gets everything. She based this decision on the fact that I seem to be doing OK and my son, her only grandson, is fine.

I know that taking care of my parents is not an easy job. I also realize it’s their money and they are entitled to do what they want with it. But Sue has always been the golden child, and taking me out of the will is a slap in the face. I’m hurt that my son and I have been excluded. It’s not about the money. It’s about being disregarded. Even a small token would mean something. I’m struggling with how to accept this without hard feelings, but obviously those feelings are already there. Any suggestions? — Thought I Meant More to Them

Dear Thought: Parents often don’t realize that leaving all of their possessions to one child creates hurt feelings, jealousy and estrangements. It doesn’t matter that one child is needier, only that all children are acknowledged. Please tell your mother how you feel. Ask whether she would leave you and your son a cherished possession as a keepsake. When she understands that it’s truly not about the money, we hope she will reconsider.

Dear Annie: I am a healthy, single 65-year-old male. Is it wrong to look at pornography on the Internet? — Confused

Dear Confused: That’s a loaded question. It is normal for men to look at pornography provided it doesn’t become obsessive or prevent them from forming normal attachments to actual women. And that’s the main problem with Internet porn. It isn’t a photo in a girly magazine. It’s a virtual fantasy life that fulfills a man’s every wish and creates unrealistic expectations of what relationships should be. We can’t tell you whether you have crossed that liner.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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