Dear Annie: My problem is my husband’s much younger 18-year-old sister. Because there’s such an age gap, “Lauren” has always been given whatever she wanted and told that everything she does is wonderful. My husband’s parents are only in their mid-50s, but say they’re “too old” to be raising a teenager and never discipline her. Lauren steals and lies to her teachers. She told them she had leukemia and needed an operation while she hid out at a friend’s house until the school nurse called to inquire about her health.

Having gotten out of one relationship and into another, I sometimes find myself reflecting on what happened in the first relationship as to what made me leave, perhaps as a future checklist so I don’t make stupid mistakes another time. One of my realizations ended up being that my first relationship was, from my side, very lustful. I pushed the sex on too early in the relationship with a silly idea that falling out of love was impossible. It was only later that I realized I created a fake idea of love to make right what we did. A concern I have now is making sure I don’t fall down the same path again. I don’t believe my current relationship is as lust-based as the last one, but how do I know the lust I hold is at a safe amount, and how will I know if, when I do feel that I must be in love, that it really is love that I feel and not something that I’m creating to protect what I imagine I have?