Maine: The Way Life Should Be.

Well, maybe not. I expect summer to be a little noisy. And, I’ve tried to accept that our state has some morons who assault us with the ridiculous noise of their cars’ custom exhausts or illegal pipes on their bikes that you can hear a mile away.

Every evening, though, I could look forward to some quiet. The sound of peepers, loons and the wind in the trees. Some of what led me to move here in the first place.

Then came Paul LePage. The Supreme Bully. Emperor LePage decreed, “Thou shalt have fireworks.” Because, well, “the fourth of July wouldn’t be the same without fireworks,” and everyone knows that the best thing to do when people already are breaking a law is to legalize what they’re doing and make some money from it.

Now, people can be their own pyrotechnics expert. They can celebrate along with everyone else on major holidays, or they can create their own, commemorate a birthday or wedding, or just set off fireworks for the sheer joy of it.

If they’re outside of legal hours, don’t worry. Our police already are too busy to deal with some pesky noise complaints.

This summer, I’ve been spending more time in New Hampshire and Massachusetts, because, sadly, I’ve found places that are quieter than rural Maine on the weekends.

I’ve thought about promoting my own adventure travel offerings such as “The Kandahar Experience” or “Summer in Syria,” — all the noise and terror without the threat of violent death. But, I’m not sure how many people would choose that kind of a vacation. Or, how many really want to live in a place like that.

Thanks, LePage. Long live the Emperor, long may he shine resplendent.

Harrison S. Weaver


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