Dear Harlan,

I’m a 62-year-old divorced male. I’ve been alone for 12 years since the divorce from my wife. The older I get, the more I feel it would be nice to have a girlfriend. But there are several obstacles involved. I’m retired, on a fixed income, rent a small apartment, have health issues and have a hard time driving at night. I also do not relate well to women my age. I’ve found I’d rather be in the company of women 30 to 40, but these females look at me as though I was an old man. I’m slender and told I’m good-looking, so I assume it’s my age that turns these women off. Finally, there is a woman my age I’m considering asking out. She is a former classmate. We saw each other at a reunion. She is now a widow with three lovely daughters, all whom are married. She lives in an upper-class neighborhood and has her own home. However, when I consider telephoning her, I feel I have nothing to offer her. Should I take the risk and call her? If not, how do I find a long-term relationship with a younger woman?

Dating Again

Dear Dating,

Why would a younger or older woman be interested in you? You just told me that you have nothing to offer. That’s not attractive to any woman of any age. Instead of dating, create something to offer. Get a job, if possible. Volunteer and do something that feeds your soul. Dive into an interest that will put you in rooms with women of all ages. The better you feel, the less you’ll focus on why you aren’t good enough. No matter the age, women love to laugh, feel loved and have someone who will listen. That’s it. As for meeting women, do things you love to do where you can naturally meet these women. Put yourself online so they can find you and be found. But first, make sure you have something to offer. Offering nothing will get you nothing.

Dear Harlan,

I was recently an audience member at one of your dating and relationship events. I learned a lot about myself and my relationships from the past. I also learned that my best guy friend has had feelings for me. You called him out. He admitted this to me in front of a room full of strangers, but would never tell me directly. Now that I know he has feelings for me, should I tell him I do, too? I think he might not want things to get awkward, so he doesn’t want to bring it up. Is he waiting for me to bring it up?

Confused Friend

Dear Confused Friend,

What kind of horrible friend are you? This poor guy expressed his feelings for you in front of a room full of people and you haven’t confessed your mutual attraction? It doesn’t get any bigger or bolder than this. What more does this guy need to do to move from the friend zone? Rent a billboard? Propose at halftime during a sporting event? If you have feelings for this guy, stop torturing him and tell him. He put himself out there — now it’s your turn. The longer you ignore what he expressed, the more awkward it will be. Tell him with a big kiss and maybe he will forgive you for waiting so long.

Write Harlan at [email protected] or visit online: All letters submitted become property of the author.

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