As always, J.P. Devine’s recent spoof regarding “group” medical exams was entertaining and humorous as only he who appears on Saturday can be. Love his stuff.

I like this group exam idea a lot. If by grouping patients, a doctor’s valuable time can be maximized — and our cost (that better be a part of this) of periodic care can be minimized — then let’s keep talking. And start grouping.

Would I be embarrassed about airing my ailments and baring my soul (etc.) in front of a group of (demographically matched) men? Not at all.

In fact, my laundry list includes: the loss of a kidney in 2009, a daily mild blood pressure pill and an aspirin. I’ve had 25 pounds to lose for about as many years. My exercise routine consists of jogging to the bathroom, on average, four times per night. I wear hearing aids. I shun Flomax and most of the other junk relentlessly pushed on my old fogy news broadcasts. I prefer news and information gleaned from a “broadcast” rather than a “show.”

Cialis? I prefer showering in solitude to bathing in separate tubs. Viagra? Why are those tough guys sailing or driving home with their horses in blue light? The colloquialism “at the end of the day” makes me nauseous. At the end of the day, all I want is a well-deserved Jack Daniels.

I also have some demoralizing dental issues, but I’ll feign group dentistry for now. One step at a time, eh?

Perhaps those who spend so much time trying to repeal Obamacare should form a medical group. At the end of the … session — perhaps the medical community might find a miraculous cure for the communicants who fruitlessly strive to postpone progress and forgo the future.

Buddy Doyle


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