Since it’s the Christmas season, I feel it’s time to give thanks. My property abuts outer Hospital Street, and I’ve lived here for more than 25 years.

I’d like to thank all the people passing by who have gifted me over the years. I discount the paper plates, plastic and paper cups, and empty food wrappers. I do include the beer bottles and cans — I once found four Heineken cans in a row (there must be a story there) — and the soda cans and bottles; they all have added to my retirement.

More esoteric are two cellphones (flattened beyond repair) and a woman’s compact with a broken mirror (I had no idea they were still in use). Throwing away a broken mirror, however, doesn’t negate seven years of bad luck. I was glad I wasn’t barefoot when I stumbled upon a slightly used diaper.

The most exotic find was what appeared to be a tiny space ship about 4 inches high, half-buried in the ground. If it is indeed a space ship, I probably stepped on some very tiny aliens. I brought it in the house, washed it off and put it on my coffee table, in case there were still tiny aliens inside. It has a hook on the bottom, and across the top is a banner written in some language the word “GRACO,” which might mean “We come in peace” or maybe “Give us your women.” So far, no luck. Anyway, Merry Christmas to all.

Tom Ohlund, Augusta


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