SPOILER ALERT: “The Lobster,” Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos’ first film in English, written with Efthymis Fillippou, is a comedy. You won’t believe me, but it is. You’ll write me nasty letters saying how I lied to you, but I’m not lying. It’s a comedy. It’s not Marx Brother comedy or Mel Brooks or even Ingmar Bergman comedy, but in some strange parallel universe, it’s a comedy.

“The Lobster” might have been written by a small group of bored millennial apprentices in Silicon Valley, channeling James Joyce, Ray Bradbury, Phillip K. Dick, Franz Kafka and Ayn Rand. Don’t take this as a slam. It has some value, in that it is at least original.

Have you noticed how many “dystopian” movies are being made? Are they getting us ready for Trumpland?

It goes like this, now keep your mind open:

We find ourselves in a world where single people, unattached loners of all stripes, check into a mammoth hotel complex somewhere in what appears to be an Ireland without leprechauns or shamrocks, a sort of “Hotel California,” where you can check out but never leave … except as an animal.

Our star, David (a transformed Colin Farrell with pot belly) checks in at the hotel, and goes through a welcoming process I can’t even begin to describe here. It’s yours to enjoy or be shocked by. After 10 minutes with this, you will catch on and begin to laugh or run.

He is given a room on only a 45-day booking. You will find out why later. One of the perks here is that after checking in, a comely maid brings orange juice and cookies, hoists her maid’s skirt and gives you a lap dance. More sex to come.

David joins others in afternoon lectures and a “fun night,” where two middle-aged opera singers belt out what sounds like samples from Danish opera singer and MGM movie star Lauritz Melchior’s greatest hits translated into English.

Singles are compelled to ask others to dance. It’s eerily like a scene from “Marty,” or a bit of “The Shining.” There are more surprises at each turn of any corner, like when we find that there are really mean rebels, hotel escapees all, who hide in a dark Sherwood Forest. The rebels are not much happier than the hotel guests; there are no happy people anywhere to be found here. They’re all like a group who have spent 10 years at a Mahler concert eating cucumber sandwiches.

Then there’s the “Transformation room,” where, having failed what has been expected of you, you will be transformed into the animal of your choice. That’s the choice you’re given in the initial introduction, you get to pick an animal you want to be transformed into.

David picked a lobster because he loves the sea, and “they bond for life and live a hundred years.”

Did I tell you that his brother, as an earlier guest, picked a Scottish sheep dog? That doesn’t work out well. Try to look away. There are at least 10 “look away” scenes. Sorry, can’t say more.

The cast is stunning: Joining Mr. Farrell are a funny John C. Reilly, the smoky, haunted Rachel Weisz, Ben Whishaw with a game leg, and a very different Lea Seyoux as the leader of the rebel gang.

Remember now, IT’S A COMEDY!

J.P. Devine is a former stage and screen actor and the author or “Will Write for Food.”

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