A heads-up to all of my devoted readers, especially those who come upon me in the agora (that’s Greek for Shaw’s supermarket).

I’m about to embark on a bit of a life change — a reinvention if you will — in my physical makeup. So I’m going to need some recommendations from all of you who have had some “work” done. Don’t lie. I’ve been watching you in the market for years. You can’t go on looking like a prom queen forever.

Yes, I’m looking for references for a good plastic surgeon.

Now, don’t panic. I’m not going to completely reinvent myself. This face has served me well over the years, and I’m still quite fond of it.

All I’m planning is a tuck here and there; a few snips about the eyes, which seem to have lost their sparkle; and hopefully losing those unsightly bags that come from so many sleepless nights during the last election season.

And perhaps a nip and tuck up in the saggy neck area. I’ve noticed lately that even George Clooney is getting a bit saggy under the chin.

You’re probably wondering why — since I’ve always been a handsome man for my age — I’m making such changes. “Why, if everything is working so well, would you mess with it?” you might ask.

I’ll be honest with you. It’s all about the sudden and dramatic advances in technology. Time roars by at an incredible speed and leaves us covered with dust.

As some of you baby boomers may have heard, Apple Inc. has made a quantum leap in the iPhone field. It’s the talk of the week among the low-cal, vanilla-no-whip-decaf-mocha crowd at Starbucks.

Ask yourself, don’t you want more apps and a large collection of emojis? You don’t know what an emoji is? How far out of town have you been? Even She, who hates any new product that starts with a small letter “i,” knows what an emoji is.

Anyway, Apple’s Tim Cook strolled on stage Tuesday morning and, with a barely audible drum roll, announced the birth of the iPhone X. When they start using Roman numerals, you know it’s gonna be big.

COOK: The iPhone X will start at $999 — considerably more than the base price of the other models.

ME: This is tricky. We’ve been thinking about buying two new toilets for the house at a price of $200 a bowl, and recently She cut that down to one toilet. If she’s that cheap on a second toilet, she’s gonna be a hard sell for $1,000 for a phone that will require a mortgage on the house to buy. Still, I persist.

COOK: “The iPhone X has an advanced array of cameras for facial recognition, which allows the phone to become unlocked just by looking at it.”

ME: Aha! That’s the key phrase — “facial recogninition.” You see now why I’m having some work done? Once I allow the iPhone X to photograph me, it will keep that face permanently on screen. So I will want the very best look I can get, as I do in all my forays into social media.

This is why I got a new haircut and applied suntan cream (Benghazi Bronze, my favorite) before I had my picture taken for my driver’s license renewal.

Now, at 85, I look more like 65. So with work I will look at least 62 for the next four years. I subscribe to Dylan Thomas’ famous line, “Do not go gentle into that good night.” Amen.

COOK: “The cameras can learn a user’s face and note gradual changes.”

So I’ve asked her if She has noticed any “gradual” changes.

She first cleared her throat. When she does that, I know something unpleasant is about to come.

“Well,” She said, ” I’ve noticed that your nose has gradually lengthened, and your chin has dropped a bit.”

“Anything else?” I asked.

“Your hair is thinning on top. Not rapidly, but gradually.”

When they clear their throat first, stop and leave the room.

You’re probably wondering why I should pay $1,000 for something to notice gradual changes when I’ve got her.

For one thing, the camera doesn’t lie — and it doesn’t clear its throat.

J.P. Devine is a Waterville writer.

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