May 29: Relax. By the time you read this, peace will once again be returned to the land, well, at least at your local Starbucks. But as I write this morning, May 29, Starbucks across the nation are on Defcon 1 (for Defense), the highest alert possible. I think the worst is “Incoming,” but that’s not on the horizon.

Here is what we know:

“8,000 company-owned stores in the United States on the afternoon of May 29 at 2:30 p.m. will close to conduct racial-bias education geared toward preventing discrimination in our stores.” Hurrah.

It came off well, and as you read my words on this lovely Sunday morning of June 3, Gemini’s favorite child, Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks, is sleeping better.

As for myself, the moment I woke up this morning I knew something was wrong, and sure enough, by noon I discovered my Taurus Moon was in my ninth house of foreign affairs. As my mother always said, “It’s always something.”

My daily horoscope, which arrives via my email each morning, lists many curious things, none of which I fully understand, but have come to enjoy. Of course, it’s actually not important for the average horoscope devotee to understand. For example:

I’m a Catholic. Do I understand all the details in Vatican II?

How about Sacrosanctum Concilium (Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy)?

Of course not. But I pretend to at parties.

As one addicted to astrology, I have to worry all night about my moon becoming “new,” or to make matters worse, if it’s saddled with a “radical Uranus transit.”

“You’ll feel emotional about this,” it says at the bottom of the page.

I’m emotional about everything: my columns, my book, my cooking, the latest chapter of “Billions,” and especially about Carrie on “Homeland.” I’m telling you, I’m so glad that show is off for the year. That girl has been driving me crazy. I just know she’s a Scorpio. (She’s not. She’s an Aries. Van Gogh was an Aries. Why am I surprised?)

Emotional? I’m a Virgo. Virgos are extremely emotional. You would think the woman who writes this stuff would know that. Is she a summer replacement or something? Is my future in the hands of an intern?

And that part about my ninth house of “foreign affairs.” I haven’t had a foreign affair since I left Tokyo over 63 years ago.

But then you know all about her.

Horoscope knowledge was socially valuable back in my theater days in Manhattan in the late ’50s. It was a great ice breaker at parties.

“Hi, I’m Jimmy.”

“Hi, I’m Rachel.”

“What’s your sign?”

“I’m a Scorpio.”

“I’m a Virgo.”

And then she scrunched up her nose and walked away. If I had studied, I would have known that Capricorn is my most compatible sign. It took me three more years to find She, who is Capricorn with a capital C.

But back to Starbucks and their leader Howard Schultz, who is a Gemini like my youngest daughter. Here is his forecast for May 29, as he shuts down his over 8,000 shops:

May 29, 2018 — A change has occurred in our solar system, Gemini, (now you tell him) a shift that will probably be imperceptible but nonetheless profound. (Do you think?) You have seven months to understand how this change impacts you. Perhaps you need to release yourself from the bonds of a group. (OMG, don’t take that to mean Starbucks. All we need is to have our favorite coffee shop snapped up by the current POTUS with all the sign changes that entails.)

Innovation is in the air, Gemini, his horoscope adds. (Boy, ain’t it the truth.)

I am not a man of color. My winter white legs bared in summer shorts will prove that. But tomorrow, I’m going to go up to my local Starbucks, buy nothing, use the bathroom, read my paper, and maybe just sit on a stool with my arms folded and glare at the manager and baristas. OK, after I’ve made my point, maybe a mocha, decaf no whip. A small one.

I’m glad that’s all over. How about you, Howard?

J.P. Devine is a Waterville writer.