Soon-to-be former Congressman Bruce Poliquin has a strange disease. It lies dormant for years at a time, then erupts dramatically when provoked. The disease is called Loseritis.

Its symptoms are fear and panic when seeing a ballot and pencil, anxiety and sweats when seeing boxes of votes packed up and driven by state police to Augusta, and positive hives when seeing a computer add up the votes.

There is a proven treatment for this disease: Don’t run for office. Hopefully, for the sake of Bruce’s health, he will never do so again.

Frank O’Hara


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