Every spring, I write one of these lame haiku columns. It’s for my own amusement, and I hope, yours.
Then last year, it got serious.
A few days after my annual affront to good poetry and good taste was published, I received a package from a concerned reader. It contained a short book of poetry, the book “Writing and Enjoying Haiku, A Hands-on Guide” by Jane Reichhold, and a letter.
“I read your column and care about its quality.
“Your column ‘Sidelines’ Sunday (5/20) ‘The Haiku Returns,’ inflicted enough harm against haiku poetry to motivate these lines,” the reader wrote.
He went on to explain all the ways I butcher haiku, and hoped that the haiku how-to would provide guidance and inspiration. I’m pretty sure he meant well. I took no offense.
I’ll be honest. I flipped through it and never opened it again until just now, about a year later. I appreciate constructive feedback from any reader, especially one who obviously cares about poetry enough to take time out of a busy day to try to help a hack like me.
I did try to make these better this year. Really, I did. This is where I ask patrons of fine poetry to avert their gaze. The rest of you, let’s do this.
Dustin Pedroia
laser show over
stiff knee, ninety feet so far
tip cap, limp away
Skowhegan
Lumberjacks, maybe
it’s about heritage, right?
Kennebecs, or Moose
Triple Crown
mud, rain, pure chaos
Maximum Security
no mind to safety
Kyrie Irving
flat earth? yeah, okay
max nonsense allowed only
with top max effort
Rob Gronkowski
touchdown! spike! such joy
Monday, pain pulsates body
rest now, and spike life
Jackie Bradley Jr.
that glove a black hole
that bat, alas, black hole too
slump or awful truth?
UMaine football
red turf burns Black Bears
expectations come, new coach
success, bulls-eye now
UMaine women’s basketball
Pit shakers, noise, wow
threes rain, crowd stands, Black Bears reign
pure basketball joy
Stanley Cup
names, so many names
winter grail, holy chalice
hoist, drink, parade, shave
Tuukka Rask
cool, calm, quiet saves
glove side? nope. blocker side? nope.
brick wall, velvet rope
Poor NHL officials
how did you miss that?
hand pass, net above glass, ugh
you missed another!
Boston Bruins
twelve down, four more wins
immortality’s doorstep
Leafs fans weep and pout
Boston Celtics
Pats, Sox, and Bruins
spoiled fans mock second round
duck boats idle for you
Chris Sale
mirage? are you back?
April nightmare is May ace
needs runs, wins will come
Wet spring
cleats squish, socks soaked through
fans shiver, gloves muffle claps
quick dry sales way up
Send questions/comments to the editors.
Success. Please wait for the page to reload. If the page does not reload within 5 seconds, please refresh the page.
Enter your email and password to access comments.
Hi, to comment on stories you must . This profile is in addition to your subscription and website login.
Already have a commenting profile? .
Invalid username/password.
Please check your email to confirm and complete your registration.
Only subscribers are eligible to post comments. Please subscribe or login first for digital access. Here’s why.
Use the form below to reset your password. When you've submitted your account email, we will send an email with a reset code.