He grabbed her and kissed her on the lips in front of millions of people and it wasn’t consensual.
Spain’s sensational World Cup win over England just three weeks ago should have been the headline but it’s taken a back seat to the kiss seen around the world. As president of the Royal Spanish Football Federation (RFEF) Luis Rubiales congratulated the World Cup-champion team, he forcibly kissed star player Jennifer Hermoso. Rather than own his behavior, apologize to Hermoso and the Spanish team, and resign, Rubiales has dug in his heels. The best defense is often a good offense, and Rubiales has been masterful. Rather than own his actions, Rubiales has taken a page from the patriarchal playbook and assumed the role of victim. In doing so, he personifies the larger problem of sexism plaguing women inside and outside the world of sports.
Rubiales’ unwillingness to acknowledge the gravity of his actions and take responsibility for them shouldn’t be surprising. During the championship celebration, a video captured him grabbing his crotch and making an obscene gesture standing only feet away from Spain’s Queen Letizia and her daughter Sofia. Rubiales’ brazenness serves as a glaring example of the pervasive culture that often belittles and objectifies women. Shocking, but not surprising, following the World Cup, countless men in positions of power publicly supported Rubiales and dismissed the kiss as “emotional.” When Woody Allen comes to your defense saying, “He wasn’t raping her… and she was a friend,” you know things are bad. But Rubiales refused to resign, insisted the kiss was consensual, painted himself as the victim of a witch hunt by “false feminists,” and threatened legal action against Hermoso’s “lies.”
Soccer’s international governing body, FIFA, was slow to act but finally issued Rubiales a 90-day suspension. It’s mind-boggling. We know what happened with Hermoso. It’s on video. And Hermoso said it wasn’t OK. Yet, Rubiales has had the audacity to manipulate the situation, so we question if what we saw with our own eyes is what we saw. Talk about cojones.
So, women are all over clamoring, “Se acabo!” (“It’s over!”). This common phrase in Spanish has evolved into a hashtag on various social media platforms. It began as a movement supporting Hermoso and demanding Rubiales’ removal. Now the phrase leads the fight against sexism and discrimination against women. It’s not hard to see why this movement resonates with so many women. Most women have been victims of sexual violence. In professional settings, most have encountered sexual harassment.
I was first sexually assaulted in junior high school shortly after hitting puberty. I never reported it because we were taught, “Boys will be boys.” I’ve worked several jobs in sexually hostile environments. Once again, I didn’t report them. The men contrived situations where we had been alone.
Like all women, I knew the questions and the “trouble,” I would have faced: Did I engage in the conversation? Did I smile? Did I laugh? What was I wearing? Did I do something to invite it? Did I send out mixed messages?
Even through my writing, I’ve had interactions where some have crossed lines. Last May, I wrote a column about the sentencing of Eliot Cutler for the possession of sexually explicit images of children. I admitted to enjoying sex but illustrated the distinction between consenting adults and the abuse of children. While I received countless emails praising my column, there was one that made me recoil. It read, “Admitting to loving sex! With a last name of Koch, no wonder.” The male reader (an acquaintance) made a sexual joke using a mispronunciation of my last name. Should his familiarity with me give him permission to use me as the center of a sexual joke? No.
Similarly, Rubiales’ familiarity with Hermoso does not give him license to sexually assault her.
But Hermoso isn’t alone, and she isn’t afraid. She issued a statement detailing how the kiss wasn’t consensual and how the RFEF pressured her, her teammates, friends, and family, to make false statements to support Rubiales. True to the #SeAcabo movement, Hermoso’s teammates resigned from the national team, saying they would not return to play until Rubiales stepped down. Wednesday, Hermoso filed a sexual assault complaint against him.
Rubiales’ culpability isn’t the issue. This case is clear-cut. But remember most women don’t have the benefit of videotape or an entire championship team standing behind them. It’s good to assume innocence until proven guilty, but it’s wrong to act as though men are feral animals incapable of controlling themselves. Zero tolerance for sexual assault must finally become the standard without exception. Rubiales’ behavior is a stark reminder that we must challenge the deeply ingrained sexist attitudes that persist, not only in sports but everywhere.
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