The pandemic ended a lot later for my wife and I. Before this dark time, we used to go out a lot with friends and family. During the pandemic the only time we saw our friends and family was through a computer screen. Like everything else in life, nothing stays the same. Once we decided that we were vaccinated to the point of being related to Swiss cheese, we asked some friends out for afternoon lunch.

Then the past reared its ugly head. One of our friends decided to “pick up the tab.” Because our friends did this, I was obligated to pick up the tab the next time we went out. For the next few weeks, we bounced back and forth as to whose turn it was to pick up the tab. This led to a reality that whoever picked up the tab last would become the victor of this new form of competition.

From that day on, any time my wife and I decided to go out with friends or family we were forced into this competitive reciprocity mode. It was almost as if everyone was keeping score. The whole atmosphere of our evenings changed. During the meal it was obvious everyone at the table was positioning themselves to grab the check. The act of paying was becoming more important than the evening itself. The older we got, the more competitive we became. We also developed means to become better at it.

One of our friends prepaid the restaurant by calling in his credit card. On other occasions a tip was given to the maître d’ to ensure that the check would be given to the correct person. Theater tickets were bought in advance and presented before the evening was to begin. But the buying of drinks before or after the show was always a challenge. In fact, this was where the competition became the most intense.

At the lounge (do they still call it a lounge?), one had to make sure they positioned themselves at the door to enter first. This was extremely important if there was a cover charge necessary to enter. A quick payment always gave the competitor an edge. At the bar, it became necessary to sit nearest the bar or at least be in a position at the table so that the waitress could see you first.

This competitive reciprocity not only took over our weekend evenings out, but it also overwhelmed family barbecues and all sporting events. When one had a summer gathering it was clear that the arrival of guests had become a secondary event. What each person brought determined their rank in this newest of competitions. Martha Stewart would be proud of the types of exotic and expensive foods that were brought. Beers from all over the world were given to achieve the status of being remembered at future gatherings.

Of course, the host is also part of this competition. Lavish bars were assembled to satisfy all thirsts and tastes. Foods were spread around every possible inch of space to clearly demonstrate that this was where the best outside gatherings were held. To be honest, I missed the days of a few hot dogs or hamburgers on the grill, accompanied by an open bag of potato chips and washed down by a few cans of “Natty Lite.” Certain luxuries were lost in the quest to be considered the best.

There is also a backside to this newest of social games. If one decides to not compete, they are considered “odd.” They are also considered cheap. Mental scorecards are kept by all the competitors to make sure everyone is competing. The pandemic ended a lot later for my wife and me. I now wish it ended a bit later.