It’s the kind of baseball game I wish I watched from beginning to end, just to say I witnessed the lunacy. From what I can tell, it was a game so ugly, its warts became gorgeous.

On Friday afternoon, the University of Maine completed a doubleheader sweep of the University of Maryland Baltimore County with a 32-14 win.

You heard me. 32-14. It’s not uncommon to see a baseball team put up a football score. It is uncommon to see a baseball team put up the score of a high-scoring football team.

Thirty-two runs in a nine-inning game. Maine turned the batter’s box into an EZ Pass lane.

The 32 runs is a school record. The previous record, 27 runs against Husson in 1976, stood for 36 years. It’s also an America East Conference record for runs in a game.

This is the box score you read like a rich novel. You go over it again and again, finding something new each time.

Maine scored nearly six times its average run output. In this one game, the Black Bears scored 15 percent of the runs they’ve scored all season. If a team scores 32 runs is a series, it’s an offensive explosion. What do you call 32 runs in a game? An epidemic?

The Black Bears scored in every inning. The 32 run outburst was the middle of a three-game stretch that saw the Black Bears score at least one run in 18 consecutive innings, and at least one run in 21 of 22 innings.

Individual stats grew like dandelions after a June rain storm. Third baseman Tyler Patzalek drove in six runs and scored five. Designated hitter Alex Calbick also drove in six and scored five. Eleven players had a hit for Maine, and 11 players scored a run.

UMBC’s pitching staff is more of a pitching staph, ill beyond recognition. To be fair, the Retriever’s pitchers weren’t helped by a defense that committed 11 errors, which made only (only!) 19 of Maine’s runs earned.

Even when you factor in UMBC’s porous defense, it’s easy to see the Retrievers are one of the worst pitching teams in all of college baseball. This one game caused the UMBC team earned run average to jump from 6.93 to 7.49. If you’re looking for a pitching staff that will jump start your offense, UMBC is on the short list. Going into Saturday’s doubleheader, opponents had a .343 batting average against UMBC. Of 291 Division I baseball teams, UMBC is ranked 275th in team ERA.

Maine’s pitching staff didn’t exactly shut down the Retrievers. UMBC did score 14 runs, enough to win just about every game, and the Retrievers rapped out 17 hits. After six innings, Maine led 22-14. That’s when Steve Trask and Eric White combined to shut out UMBC the rest of the game, while the Black Bear continued to score runs.

If Maine hopes to repeat as conference champs and return to the NCAA tournament, it will have to pitch better. There are 20 conference games left. Call it a hunch, but it’s a safe bet the Black Bears are going to face much better pitching in those games.

UMBC’s offensive success could be a case of Maine simply playing to the opponent’s level in a series of routs. The Black Bears have won nine games in a row, and gave up just 12 runs in the five games leading up to the UMBC series. Maine did hold the Retrievers to three runs in the first game Friday, and one in Saturday’s opener.

In sweeping the series, Maine outscored UMBC 76-29. Allowing 29 runs in a four-game series is deplorable, unless you still manage to outscore your opponent by 47 runs. Then it’s just the cost of doing business.

Travis Lazarczyk — 861-9242

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