Dear Annie: I have been married to “Ellen” for seven years, and we recently moved back to her hometown. Apparently, she left behind an old boyfriend. They were teenagers “in love.” Ellen was repeatedly unfaithful, and the boyfriend tried to break things off; but Ellen always manipulated him into saying he would love her forever. At some point, he gave her a promise ring.

She continued cheating on him and never took responsibility, instead blaming her parents or drugs. I knew about the drugs, but the game-playing was only recently revealed to me by Ellen’s friends and relatives. Had I been aware of that side of her personality, I probably wouldn’t have married her; but three kids later, I love her dearly.

Ellen has some insecurity issues, and I am constantly reminding her how much she means to me. But what really bothers me is that she sought out the ex-boyfriend and has started corresponding with him. Her emails are full of lies. The ex tried to extricate himself when his wife became concerned, but Ellen turned into her old vindictive, manipulative self.

When I confronted her, she insisted that she loves me, and that she ended the emails, but now there are strange numbers on our cellphones and her computer. I feel betrayed. Do I give up on my marriage? Do I confront the other guy? She has emotional problems, and I fear this will send her back into the drug world. I am afraid to leave my kids home with her. Ellen refuses counseling, so now I’m seeing a therapist behind her back.

People online can be whoever they want you to think they are. — Tired of Losing

Dear Tired: Ellen sounds emotionally unstable, not to mention untrustworthy. Leave the boyfriend out of it, and concentrate on your wife. She’s a mess and needs help. Please don’t wait until your children suffer. Insist that Ellen see a therapist, not only to save your marriage, but to save herself.

Dear Annie: My sister and I attended my granddaughter’s wedding last October. My sister asked whether I’d given the couple any money, and I said, “No, I already sent them a nice gift.” She said she gave them $300 and that I should do the same. She phoned repeatedly, asking whether I sent the check. I finally told her yes so she would leave me alone. Today she called saying she’d asked my granddaughter whether she had received a check from me. Of course, she had not. My sister is still insisting I send them money, and I don’t know what to say to keep the peace. — Did My Part Already

Dear Did: Tell your sister you are not going to send another gift because you already sent one. Repeat that as often as necessary until she gets the message.