Dear Annie: My father and mother were both sick and only weeks away from dying when my niece went to my father’s bedside and asked if she could have his house when he “didn’t need it anymore.” She made sure that her mother was with her to witness the question and answer.

My father suffered from dementia for several years, and it was no surprise that he agreed that “Rhoda” could have the house. But his will was made out many years before, and it left everything to be equally divided between his eight children.

After my parents died, Rhoda put pressure on her mother to get the house. When I questioned Rhoda’s actions, her mother defended her. When my brother said we were going to sell the house, Rhoda told us we could sell it only to her and at a greatly reduced price.

My father intended to leave everything to his children, not his grandchildren. This has split our family apart, and I don’t know if we ever will get over the hard feelings that Rhoda has caused. She feels no remorse and still believes she should get the family home because Dad “promised” it to her. I say she gets nothing. More importantly, she never should have gone to my father on his deathbed to begin with. What do you say? — Split Families

Dear Split: Rhoda sounds like a vulture. If your father had a legal will, the attorney (not the family members) should inform Rhoda that she is not entitled to the house or the proceeds from its sale. Of course, if the majority of your siblings choose to sell her the house anyway, there’s not much you can do. Your letter should serve as a reminder to our readers to put their wishes in writing while they are of sound mind and not leave the door open to mercenary relatives who try to take advantage.

Dear Annie: What should you do if your husband of 46 years tells you that you are terribly obese? Yes, I am 30 pounds over my ideal weight, but that hardly justifies his comment. He has made other insulting remarks to me in the past. But this one hurt my feelings so much that I cannot deal with it. Is this abuse? — Crying in Ohio

Dear Crying: If your husband constantly belittles and humiliates you, it is emotional abuse. If he makes an insulting remark once every few years, he is simply a jackass. But after 46 years, why did this particular comment strike you so hard? Are you sensitive about your weight? Do you fear he no longer finds you attractive? Or was it just the straw that broke the camel’s back? Tell your husband how much his remark hurt you. You also can get some counseling, with or without him, to learn how to best deal with such an insensitive partner.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.