Dear Readers,

I wanted to share a private correspondence I had with a reader who took a risk and stepped outside his comfort zone. Hope this will inspire you to do the same.

Hey Harlan!

I wanted to say thanks for everything (even though you don’t know what you helped me with yet). The other day I was in my anthropology class. I didn’t know if there was reading that should have been done already, so I asked the girl in front of me. She didn’t know either, but then asked why I was reading my textbook (she didn’t know we had reading). She then sat beside me and we started a conversation. I found out she’s in three of my classes and we have a lot in common. But it doesn’t end there (sorry). Later that day, I realized I fell for her (too fast?). When I got home, I decided to follow your advice and take The Risk. So I did, and I asked her to lunch yesterday after class, and I had a blast! She’s an amazing person, and I probably wouldn’t have been able to do it without you and your book. Thank you very much for all the help and encouragement.

Name Withheld

Dear Name Withheld,

Love this story! Can I share this in my column? I don’t need to use your name.

Harlan

Hi Harlan,

Yeah, go ahead. That’s awesome, and thank you. Here’s the latest: We’re only friends at the moment. I think I might have moved too fast, but heck, I got a great friend out of it. Thanks again.

Name Withheld

Dear Name Withheld,

No way. You didn’t move too fast. Lunch isn’t fast. Lunch in bed is too fast. You did everything right. You talked to someone in class. You expressed that you’re interested. And she knows you’re an amazing guy. For all you know, she’s still stuck on an ex and wants to be your friend while she figures out what to do next. Now you’re a friend who can be more one day. And that’s much more than you were before. Keep it up, and you’ll find more friends — and a girlfriend.

Dear Harlan,

What exactly do girls look for in a guy? Do they all just concentrate on looks, or do they value personality and intelligence? Which one is more important?

Looking for a Girl

Dear Looking for a Girl,

Walk down the street and look at couples holding hands. You’ll find the answer staring back at you. Some women want a man for his looks, and some want to fall in love. The more you can make a woman laugh and feel comfortable, the less she will be interested in looks. Most women want a man who can listen and talk to them. They want someone to share experiences and feel a deep connection with. Your job is simple — be as good-looking as possible and feel as good as possible. Then meet as many women as possible. Appreciate that some of these women will not want you and that others will want you. If you’re this good-looking and feel this good about yourself, you will find women who want you. If you find that ALL women want you, make these women wait to see you without your clothes on. Then you’ll find out if they want you for your mind or just for your body.