Dear Harlan,

I am a second-year freshman (whatever that means) heterosexual male. The reason I am writing you is because I am 19 years old and I have not had sex with anyone yet by personal choice. When did abstaining in regard to sex become frowned upon? Furthermore, I fear that telling someone might lead to ridicule and the loss of respect among the boys. Should I just have sex with someone and publicize it among the boys to get the monkey off my back, so to speak, or lie and say I made it to home plate, but really I didn’t?


Dear Batter,

You’re a stud. By definition, a stud is someone who can have as much sex as he wants, but chooses not to. At least that’s my definition. Here’s an example: The other day I was visiting a college, and a 21-year-old heterosexual male told me he’s had the opportunity to have sex with 23 women throughout the past seven years, and one time it was a threesome opportunity. He declined all 23 times. He’s waiting for a girl he likes to lose it. The truth is that there will always be women who will be drunk enough, desperate enough or reasonably priced enough (prostitution is legal in some places) to have sex with you. I’m not suggesting you pay for sex. Instead of dumping your virginity to get the boys off your back, consider dumping some of these boys.

Dear Harlan,


My roommate and I got along great, then suddenly she stopped talking to me and now she’s moving out! She’s moving into an apartment off campus but she still owns half of the room. She can come back whenever she wants to because she still has keys, and this makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t think there’s anything I can do since she is still paying rent for the semester. She even told me if I put decorations up on her side, or touch anything I’ll be written up by my resident assistant because my roommate is going to come back during the day between classes and hang out and “check up” on her room. Is there any way out of this? Help me, Harlan!

Roommate From Hell

Dear Roommate From Hell,

You have a single! Congrats. Did she make any other threats? If not, I don’t see the problem. Keep your valuables locked up and enjoy the peace and quiet. Most people would find this to be the best of both worlds. You have more space and you don’t have to deal with your miserable roommate. What I think you find most upsetting is that your roommate doesn’t like you and you have no idea why. You can attempt to find out why she doesn’t like you, but someone who makes this dramatic of a statement doesn’t seem like she is looking to get along. I wouldn’t waste your time. Assume she has a long list of issues that are making her life miserable. You are just one more thing she can blame. Give her permission to not be your friend. Give her permission to not live with you. Give her permission to not understand you. Find other friends. Plan on moving in with someone else next semester. Explain the situation to your RA. But other than that, if her only threat is getting you written up if you put stuff on the walls, I’d keep stuff off her walls and enjoy the space.

Harlan is author of “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” (St. Martin’s Press).

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