As you watch Super Bowl LI Sunday night, play along with some prop bets. Here’s a few to get you started:
Over/under on how long Luke Bryan will take to sing the National Anthem: three minutes.
Over/under on how it long after Bryan is finished it will take somebody at your Super Bowl party to compare his anthem to Whitney Houston’s 1991 version: five seconds.
Over/under on how many times Fox color analyst Troy Aikman mentions his three Super Bowl wins: five.
Odds that Fox will play a montage of Tom Brady Super Bowl highlights to an Aerosmith soundtrack: 5 to 1.
Over/under on the number of times Fox play-by-play man Joe Buck refers to Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan as “Matty Ice”: four.
Over/under on how many times you’ll shake your head after a Super Bowl ad, turn to the person sitting next to you, and say “what the heck was that?”: two
Odds that Fox will bring on a fashion expert to critique Bill Belichick’s sweatshirt: 50 to 1.
Odds that Fox will pan to a shot of Rob Gronkowski in a luxury box just as Gronk is telling Jon Bon Jovi the punchline to a filthy, filthy joke: 15 to 1.
Over/under the number of times the word Deflategate is used by somebody on Fox’s game broadcast: 10.
Over/under number of interceptions by the Patriots defense: 1.5
Odds that one of those interceptions elicits a replay of Malcolm Butler’s goal line interception in Super Bowl 49: 2 to 1.
Odds that one of the Patriots’ Malcolms — Butler, Mitchell, or (Malcom) Brown — is the game MVP: 2,000 to 1.
Over/under on how many songs in Lady Gaga’s halftime show your mom recognizes: 1.5.
Odds Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” is played over a promo for the halftime show: 3 to 1.
Odds that this promo also features a close shot of a stoic Bill Belichick: 6 to 1.
Odds that either team opens the second half with an onside kick: 25 to 1.
Odds that one of your buddies who fancies himself a football genius because he won your fantasy league five years ago says “I bet they onside kick” just before the second half: 5 to 1.
Over/under the number of times you spill salsa on yourelf: 2.5.
Odds that you spill beer on your friend’s carpet and consider moving the coffee table to cover it, or consider blaming a child for knocking it over: 12 to 1.
Over/under the number of times somebody at your party asks if the dip is gluten free: 2.5.
Odds the Patriots run that great play where Brady fakes like the snap goes over his head, but it’s really direct to Dion Lewis, like they ran perfectly with Kevin Faulk back in the day: 30 to 1.
Odds that Falcons superstar wide receiver Julio Jones makes a catch of 25 yards or more: 4 to 1.
Over/under the number of pizza slices you eat between noon and the end of the game: 6.5.
Over/under the number of antacids you swallow Monday: 6.5.
Over/under on how many times you’ll swear at the sight of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell: six.
Odds that, if the Patriots win, Robert Kraft accepts the Lombardi Trophy and shouts “Hey NFL, next time bring kryptonite!” before dropping the mic and walking off stage: 500 to 1.
Odds that Tom Brady will diss Goodell if he wins the MVP: 10,000,000 to 1.
Odds that you’ll yell at the television when you see Brady and Goodell together something along the lines of “Punch his lights out Tommy!” 1 to 1. Sucker bet.
Travis Lazarczyk — 861-9242
Twitter: @TLazarczykMTM
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