The military just released declassified video of unidentified flying objects it has filmed over the years.

In an image from video provided by the Department of Defense labeled Gimbal, from 2015, an unexplained object is seen at center as it is tracked as it soars high along the clouds, traveling against the wind. “As I watched the alien ships dart around the screen, I had flashbacks to playing ‘Asteroids’ on my late-1970s Atari game system,” Gregory Greenleaf says. Department of Defense via AP

The video, sadly, was rather underwhelming.

What I saw was a mix of circular blobs and geometrically unimpressive aerial triangles moving really fast through the sky. I guess the aliens don’t have cloaking devices or don’t care if we can see them. Or maybe they are just trying to show that when it comes to function (traveling through interstellar space) and form (triangle), you can keep form simple.

As I watched the alien ships dart around the screen, I had flashbacks to playing “Asteroids” on my late-1970s Atari game system. Kudos to the creators of “Asteroids” for guessing that the preferred space vehicle design for space invaders would be a triangle and not something more visually striking, like a hyperboloid.

Or maybe I’m just looking at a UFO whose destiny is similar to other design horrors, like the Ford Edsel or my first LCD television, which was unusable if the remote ever became lost or damaged. So maybe what we’re seeing will just have one model year and next year we can expect a UFO with more curves and a spoiler.

There could be other reasons for the three-sided spacecrafts. Maybe what I’m seeing is the result of an alien budget freeze in the design and assembly department. I can relate to that experience. I’ve had my budget frozen before and been told to make do with what I have. Such “do more with less” actually makes me want to do less. I’m just not hard-wired for reverse psychology. I can empathize with the alien ship designer. We are both passive-aggressive.

In some nearby galaxy they must have an annual UFO show similar to the annual auto show we have in Detroit. Imagine the media fiasco that ensued after the UFO maker pulled off the sheet and revealed the Triangle.

Headline: “UFO maker unveils ‘innovative’ Triangle. Ha! Ha! Ha!”

Headline: “Meet the Triangle – Oh, you’ve met before.”

Headline: “The Triangle: Only Pythagoras is pleased.”

Of course, corporate heads would roll. And there might be quite a number of heads rolling if our alien belongs to a multi-headed species. As for our designer, what is left to do except quit before you’re fired and burn as many bridges as possible? To do that, the designer likely got onto their corporate alien Twitter account before it was taken down, posted a picture of the Triangle and wrote something like

“I believed in you, but you didn’t believe in me. For that, we both are lost.”

Or

“Anyone want to play ‘Asteroids’?”

Or

“The only Triangle that’s also fashionably a square. Not cool, man.”

For us on Earth, we can no longer look to the heavens for a sense of wonder and otherworldliness. For that feeling and to see what a real UFO looks like, go re-watch the film “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” It’s out of this world.

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